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Sex Within Marriage

Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended


We’ve been talking a bit about pornography, movies with erotic content and such in them lately, and this has spawned a lot of people to ask questions about whether or not it’s okay to take home videos and/or pictures of your spouse for your enjoyment and others asking how common this is.  So, I thought I’d put out a survey, since we haven’t had one in a bit and ask the questions we’d need to find out.

Whether you have done this, haven’t, want to or don’t, we need your data to answer these questions.  So, be brave, answer truthfully so that you can lend your help to this cause.

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Last month my pastor did a sermon series on the life of David, and he brought out a point that I felt had applications in marriage.  It’s the idea of being careful who you listen to, because they can invade your thoughts, they can mess with your mind, your perceptions and ultimately your decisions and behaviors.  Don’t remember that in the story of David?  Let me walk you through it.

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AreYouWillingToLiveForYourSpouseA couple of weeks ago our church started 10 days of prayer.  For 10 days members showed up at the church every night to pray for about an hour and a half.  We prayed for our members, for our church, for ourselves.  We even prayed that God would help us when we didn’t want to pray.  Interspersed with the prayers were verses to help focus us on specific topics.  One of the verses that came up, while focusing on Jesus’ sacrifice for us was:

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. – John 15:13

So, I’m going to turn this on it’s head, because I hear a lot of spouses saying “Oh, I love my spouse, I’d die for them if needed!” and I believe some of them would.  However, these same spouses often will balk at a life change for their spouse.  Dying, it appears, is easier than living, or at least more appealing…

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Porn has become almost ubiquitous in our society, it’s everywhere, just behind the scenes.  An estimated 50% of Christian men struggle with porn addiction at some point in their life (including pastors), and the last number I heard for women was 30% and climbing.  So, if you are struggling with this, and you think you’re alone, think again.

Add to this the numbers from reading erotic literature, and almost no one is left untouched by the vice of pornography.  If it’s not you, it’s likely your spouse, if not both of you.

Unfortunately, it’s become a growing trend to fight fire with fire, as it were.  In the last week, I’ve been approached by two people.  One is a new marriage blogger that is promoting “Christian erotic literature” to married couples in an effort to get them to quit porn use.  The other is an author who released a three book series depicting “Christian erotic literature”, so that Christians can have their porn as well.   Continue reading

Anonymous Question

This question is starting to come up more and more.  This week, I received the following message on Facebook:

So what about ‘Asexuals’? I am a college student currently in a dating relationship and to be honest, I have pretty much no sexual attraction, desire, or drive. And although I don’t really want to pin myself to any labels, I fit the Asexual description. I’m not too worried about now, since me and my partner have decided to wait for sex, but I’m thinking its going to get quite complicated in the future. (My partner is definitely not an asexual person). For a married couple, do you think it would be a still healthy marriage if a couple didn’t have sex at all? My thinking is that because I have no desire for sex, anytime we did have it would be out of obligation, and it would just be me “giving in” to my partner, which I don’t think is the ideal reason or motive for sex.

Now, typically I only answer questions from married couples, but I think asexuality is something that married couples deal with as well, so I’m going to give my answer publicly (with the questioner’s permission), in the hopes that it might help others.

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