How many wives actually like giving oral sex?

Jay Dee

How many wives actually like giving oral sex?

Apr 01, 2016

I don’t remember when I got this question.  Honestly, I don’t even know how I got it.  Could have been an email, or through our anonymous Have A Question page, or on a survey comment.  But, I keep a list of all the questions I

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Anonymous QuestionI don’t remember when I got this question.  Honestly, I don’t even know how I got it.  Could have been an email, or through our anonymous Have A Question page, or on a survey comment.  But, I keep a list of all the questions I get and today I was scanning through it and thought “I think I can answer that one quickly”.  Which is perfect, because I don’t have much time today.  I just spent half of my train ride cleaning up a malware infection on the blog (fun stuff).

So, here’s the question:

I would like to know how many wives really enjoy oral sex?  I heard a Christian COUNSELOR say he counseled 1000 coupes and only one or two of the women enjoyed it.  Is he right?

So, according to this Christian counselor, only about 0.1-0.2% of women enjoy oral sex.  Well, I’m guessing most of my regular readers can smell this fallacy a mile away.  Unfortunately, I’ve heard this from a few sources.  I’ve personally had a conversation with a pastor who told me that women who like giving oral sex “must have something mentally wrong with them”. I’ll be honest, I didn’t respond, because I was in shock.  His opinion was that some women do it, but it’s due to pressure, fear, coercion or their deviants who enjoy being made to do disgusting and demeaning sexual activities.  Like I said … I was in shock.

So, what is the truth?

Well, a while back, I ran an oral sex survey.  We had 71 women fill it out (and a lot more men), but the women is who we’re focusing on today.

Out of the 71 women, 45 responded that yes, they like giving oral sex.  Meaning 63% of Christian wives enjoy giving oral sex!  Another 14% said they could take it or leave it.  Which means they don’t hate it, it just doesn’t do anything for them.  Only 22% of wives said that either they don’t like it, or they don’t do it in their marriage.

Now, granted, my readers tend to be more sex-positive, but that only means they’re more willing to try.  It doesn’t guarantee they will like it.  In fact, only 8% of the wives said they don’t engage in oral sex in their marriage. If you factor them out, then 78% of wives who engage in giving oral sex enjoy doing so.

Quite the different from the 0.1-0.2% the counselor claimed, and I don’t think the majority of wives are suffering from mental illness.

To end it off, let me leave you with some of the wives’ comments:

  • I love giving and it’s my favorite way to have sex.
  • Can’t imagine making love without it!
  • I use to didn’t give oral sex just on rare occasion due to what I felt were society rules. But after I hit 40, I decided I didn’t care and made a purpose to ask for what I needed and give more myself. Huge deal for me to learn how to talk about sex. but it opened up better communication in all areas and we are closer than ever. Now we have a rockin sex life!
  • I love giving him pleasure.
  • I love it! And I know he loves it more!
  • It has taken yrs. For me to. I just hated the taste & I use to spit it out! Now I love how it pleases him!
  • It is exciting for both of us and makes me feel closer to him.
  • Because it is a turn on for him, he likes it.
  • I really struggle with the thrusting, which tends to gag me. However, if I can manage that, I love, love, love knowing that I’ve been able to do that for him. He has said that it is the most intimate sexual experience for him and makes him feel loved like nothing else does.
  • He likes it. I like that it gives me power to please him.
  • It gives him great pleasure.
  • accepting his semen into my mouth is symbolic of me accepting and loving everything about him. i also find it very erotic and i love the taste of him. i generally dont eat or drink for a time afterward because i want the taste of him to linger.
  • I love it.
  • I love feeling his orgasm that way. It can be felt much more than PIV sex. Plus, I know it feels really good to him.
  • It makes him very excited and I like watching him enjoy me take it in my mouth and swallowing

Feel free to add your own in the comments below.

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75 thoughts on “How many wives actually like giving oral sex?”

  1. Kay says:

    I wonder where this idea that women don’t like it got started? I definitely felt dirty when I first admitted to some of my girl friends that I like giving him oral because I thought “good girls don’t like it” and I was not normal. But almost all of my (admittedly sex positive) friends are good with it. I know a few who won’t finish or won’t swallow, but otherwise it’s no problem. My very best friend is the only exception I know. She will only do it–and reluctantly at that–when he is wearing a condom, whether to orgasm or not because she doesn’t want to taste ANYTHING. I am assuming she means pre-cum, or maybe her hubby doesn’t wash and needs to? Anyway, most women I know are okay with it. Maybe this notion keeps getting spread because then the guys who have wives that won’t do it feel better about themselves and the guys whose wives that will feel like the luckiest men in the world? Everyone wins?

  2. M says:

    I care more to hear about men and giving oral sex to their wives. I think we make too much of a big deal about it for men and the whole world is focused on how important OS for men is. Never hear much about it concerning men doing the same favor for women. I think that if you found a lot of enthusiastic male OS givers you would find close to 90% enthusiastic female OS givers. Double standard for far too long.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I will do my best to pull that information for a post next week.

      1. M says:

        Thanks. This has been one of the most difficult part of our sex life for the entirety of our relationship. In theory, husband is willing but then he makes no big efforts to practice and improve and his skill is just awful–I’ve likened it to a trip to the gynecologist…in fact, I feel more comfortable with the gyne sometimes! So frustrating! I doubt we would still be married or if we were married have any type of sex life if I had just decided I wasn’t going to give learning OS for him a good effort. He has no complaints on my side.

    2. libl says:

      I am a wife and I like giving hubby os, and I absolutely LOVE receiving. It is the best way to give me earth shattering orgasms. My hubby doesn’t like os at all…giving and receiving. The most I can do is quickly kiss him down there, and once every 1-2 years he will do a little os on me.

      1. Tony Conrad says:

        We are the other way round. My wife is not comfortable with giving or receiving.

      2. M says:

        Yeah, it’s really unfortunate when things are mismatched like that. I am a wife. Giving OS is totally fine for me. I wouldn’t say it’s my most favorite thing in the entire world but it’s good. I rarely get a chance to receive OS despite bringing this up for years and years and years. There’s just no real cultural expectation that men should be doing their part in that department. But, if a woman is not too keen on giving OS to a man then “Whoa, that one is so frigid…that’s totally a dealbreaker.” Not saying it shouldn’t be…I’m just saying it should be for both sides. I hate how OS is this ‘entitlement’ for men but for women there’s no impetus for men to get it right. I think it harkens back to the days of the Victorian era when men were never educated or informed that women actually were capable or should or needed to also have orgasms so you had family doctors roving the countryside digitally servicing women on the other sides of doors from where their clueless (or indifferent) husband sat.

    3. Ms. Beenthere Donethat says:

      There IS a double standard about it, especially when it comes to grooming. And in coming up to kiss them with “the taste” still in your mouth. They might do that to you but if you do that to them, they act like you are about to transmit to them a disease that will make them gay!

      Guys practically demand you to do it for them but when it’s your turn “eww no”. But, to be fair, a guy is usually reacting from prior negative experiences. I have heard enough stories that make me want to go “Wow, poor fella!” Stories of women keeping nasty tumbleweeds down there, no grooming whatsoever, bits of paper, I can go on, but I will not, you get the idea, I’m sure..
      Rumor has it that Meatloaf’s “I will do anything for love but I won’t do that” is actually referring to giving OS to her. Given the negative experiences I have heard from guys, it’s small wonder. If you invite company over and you welcome them into a dirty, unkempt crap shack, don’t be surprised at their disgust/disappointment and their reluctance to ever visit in the future.. By the same token, this topic. But I have been equally disgusted by guys keeping wild jungles down there, it’s not only an eyesore, feels irritating, it is also unhygienic. If a dude trims and groom the rest of his body why is that such a forbidden zone to take care of? Finish the job!

      It can also very well be that they feign disgust towards giving her OS simply because they are hiding their lack of knowledge/expertise and have too much proud male ego to actually admit it.

      There is the other double standard of guys using taste as an excuse to not but it’s practically a woman’s JOB to not only taste AND swallow, but act like it’s from Wonka himself if you know what I mean. And if you don’t like the taste and/or can’t hold it down then of course YOU’RE the one with the problem!

      Oh well, remember to trim and eat pineapple (fresh or juice) every day (both men and women) and in a couple of weeks, thank me later ;.)

      1. Jay Dee says:

        They might do that to you but if you do that to them, they act like you are about to transmit to them a disease that will make them gay!

        This has not been the message relayed to me by many of the men I’ve talked to. In a lot of the cases I interact with, the men are more than willing, it’s their wives who are not. I think it’s an over-generalization to assume that either group is more or less adverse to oral sex.

  3. Sexless and miserable says:

    Two words: Yeah. Right.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      I hear you. We were sexless for the first 8 years. Took another couple of years after we resolved that to get to oral.

    2. Donna says:

      I was married for 30 years and the final 16 years were without sex. Arggghhhh! I don’t have a solution except that maybe reading this blog might be an avenue for open dialogue.

  4. Mike says:

    My wife loves to give me pleasure that way, but she does not want me to pleasure her orally. I am willing, she is not.

    1. Kay says:

      Have you written a post about women’s hang ups on receiving, Jay? Or done a survey? I feel like I’ve read about this recently, maybe here or Generous Husband.

      Have you asked your wife about this, Mike? I grew up trained to think that a woman’s privates are gross, followed by a difficultly accepting a sex act *just for me.* I’ve been married ten years and only over the last year or so have I started to overcome some of these obstacles, but I still have a looong way to go. (If you haven’t posted on this, Jay, I’d be happy to share my journey.)

      1. Mike says:

        I will ask her!! She likes her breasts kissed, and likes me to touch her vaginally. But if I begin to kiss her below the belt line she curls up away from my lips.

        1. Kay says:

          I could be way off base, but I’m guessing it’s a gross factor. It is one thing to be touched there, but quite another to have someone smell and taste there. For me, washing immediately before hand, being well groomed, and applying coconut oil all over has helped me to try to get past that a little bit, but then the problem at first was that it also felt gross. It was kind of a catch 22, where he didn’t know what he was doing but how could he if he had never done it before! We both researched a little more on how to give oral and used extremely open communication over what felt good and what didn’t, with [hopeffully] no hurt feelings since it was all an experiment. But it took me a TON of convincing that he didn’t think it was gross and that he WANTED to pleasure me in that way and that he considered me allowing him to try to learn as a gift that *I* could give *him,* so I was actually blessing him by trying to push through my own hang ups. That was motivating to me. He was super patient and supportive and we’ve come a long way, but I still have trouble with the gross factor when we start. It is an *extremely* difficult thing to get over mentally.

          1. Mike says:

            How about pubic hair? She does not groom down there. Would that be a problem for her? I shave for her.

            1. Kay says:

              I trim regularly now, yes. But I don’t shave it all off because OUCH. I leave a 1/4 inch maybe? Long enough to still be soft, not prickly, but as short as possible. But ask her if that might help HER, cuz if you imply the hair is gross, it might confirm her fears that she is gross down there.

              My hubby and I got in a [now hilarious] fight over it. He didn’t explain why, he just asked if I was open to trimming. I had read a rant on another Christian marriage blog about trimming being something that porn made popular and how women should look like women and not little girls, blah blah blah, so I got all indignant and offended. He retreated with his tail between his legs and later sheepishly admitted that he only suggested it because he thought it would help ME feel more comfortable with him exploring down there. OH. Color me embarrassed. (The unintended hazard of reading marriage blogs, I guess, ha.) He shaved me the first couple times, which, whew! That was an exercise in trust! Now I actually like it and feel sexier when I maintain it.

              Anyway, my point being, keep the convo very open and keep reminding her (without pushing) that you will feel so blessed if she *opens up to you* in this way and your are eager to help her overcome whatever it is that is holding her back. And be patient. We talked for months before I was ready to try, and still months more before I enjoyed it. So it took a long time, but I am so glad he gently persevered. Know your wife, though. What worked for me may not be the right path for her. But hopefully you are in a place that you can talk it through.

              1. Mike says:

                How do you shave/trim?. I have used an electric shaver down there on me and nicked myself. I have not used a safety razor in 50 years. I do have my dog clippers with #4, #8 #40 blades that I have used on myself. The #40 blade gives a short cut that is prickly and sometimes nicks my skin. I would be quite fearful of using any of these methods on my wife. If I nicked her I would never be able to get close to her again. What are your suggestions?

                1. Kay says:

                  I have a bikini trimmer by Wahl, but there are a lot of kinds available. I’m not sure what the attachment I use is called. The detailer maybe? It is a skinny attachment and probably isn’t designed to do the whole job but it does a great job. I have never gotten nicked but if I am in a rush, it can pull a little, which hurts, but thankfully won’t hurt later like getting a tiny nick would. Some of the other attachments might allow for a slightly longer length, which might be less scary and less likely to cause irritation. Try searching Amazon or eBay for “bikini trimmer.” I don’t remember how much it was but it was less than 40 bucks and I’ve had this thing forever even though both my hubby and I use it.

              2. libl says:

                She could just not like it. It can be an intense feeling that doesn’t necessarily feel good to her. We are all different. Sometimes it can feel too ticklish. Sometimes like you have to pee really badly.

                1. Jeff says:

                  Just to touch on the peeing badly feeling…that sounds like female ejaculation. I’m a husband who has read up on and researched this phenomenon and many women have described this same feeling. I would urge you to explore that part of your sexuality. By the way, it isn’t actually pee, though it is a liquid that comes from the bladder. Weird, huh? Not to be inappropriate, but it tends to smell like freshly-made popcorn, so you’ll know the difference. You may want to look into it and then talk with your husband about it to get his perspective, since some guys are just freaked out about it out of ignorance (that’s not an insult…a lot of people just don’t know about it). This higher level of satisfaction just may bring the two of you even closer together!

            2. Barry says:

              Nothing would Be more enjoyable to me and shaving her and have done it often. The shooter The better for me but it is about 1/4 or a little less. Smells wonderful to me.

            3. M says:

              I won’t touch a razor to that area of my body. I don’t know how women shave and don’t have a huge rash. Ick! So, I like to go get full Brazilian waxes done…all bare. But, get this, husband doesn’t like it! But, on the other side of that he also doesn’t like hair in his mouth and that’s his main difficulty with performing OS on me. So, I’ll go get a complete wax…no hair…smooth and soft…and he won’t even come near me or touch me…I’ve had these done multiple times and he never took advantage of the opportunity–although I asked and asked. His complaint is, “Oh, but I like the hair.” Yep. Like the hair. But, can’t give OS with it…hmmm….

              1. Kay says:

                I took a razor once and that was all it took. Never again!! I just use a trimmer now and keep it pretty short.

                1. M says:

                  I also have a trimmer and use it, but not frequently. It also isn’t very comfortable trimmed short because it’s prickly. I much prefer getting full waxes. I’ve been through multiple, med-free childbirths so getting waxed ain’t no big thing to me and I love the results afterward. Wish my husband was more into it.

                  1. Kay says:

                    Ha! Best comment ever. I dunno, I’ve heard some women wish for an epidural when getting waxed. ? Do you get it done professionally or do it yourself? Is there an adjustment period, where your body needs a few sessions to get used to it? How about when it starts growing back; is that awful? How long does it have to be before you can get it waxed again? I think my hubby would LOVE this, but I am too chicken. I’ve done 2 out of 3 unmedicated births though, so maybe I’d survive? Ha!

                    1. M says:

                      Naw, waxing ain’t anything like birth or labor…especially if you had back labor for 43 hours straight, like I did.
                      I go to a professional. I found one waxing studio that I really like that does it. I’ve tried others. It all comes down to the skill of the technician. I think that if you do it regularly, you’ll definitely get used to it. A couple of summer’s ago I was back in my own country (I live in a different country) and I got my younger sister to go get her first Brazilian wax with me. I was pregnant at the time. It was pretty funny to watch her try to launch herself off the table when the lady got to sensitive bits. But, now, she books an appointment monthly with the same lady to get waxed. The lady does her pits and eyebrows as well. My sister is so comfortable with her now it’s like how some people interact with their hairdresser–she likes to go because the lady is really laid-back and is a good listener. Her technician is a cancer survivor and a really cool lady. When it starts growing back it is NOT awful. Because, unlike shaving, you’re pulling out the entire root of the hair–so when it grows back, it grows back as new hair that is usually finer and softer. Over time, if you keep doing it, the hair will get much, much finer and softer. I use a special cream with urea (yeah, the chemical in urine) in it to keep me from getting any irritation or rash. Additionally, the ‘gold standard’ to prevent skin irritation is liberal applications of witch hazel with a soft cotton pad. When I get waxed, if I want to keep it up, I go back every 4-6 weeks. This all depends on your own personal hair growth. My sister tends to not really need to wax as often as she does because her hair is finer and less dense to begin with. I say, look online for some reviews (Yelp etc.) in your area and ask around for which salon is the absolute best. Prepare to buy a good urea-based after-wax lotion and some witch hazel and just go for it. The pain is very momentary and if you’ve go through med-free childbirth, believe me, you can handle it. I love how it feels, personally, even if my husband isn’t really turned on by it.

              2. Jim says:

                A shaved pubic area on a woman is just plain gross.

                1. Jay Dee says:

                  Well, considering you mentioned before you hate the look of women’s genitals, of course you’d be against anything that lets you see more. For the rest of us, many find it better cool to have a better view.

      2. M says:

        I think it’s a FALSE assumption that women, in general, have this ingrained ‘hangup’ about receive OS. It’s not really women who have that–it’s the culture that teaches them that they shouldn’t expect to receive OS and then it also teaches men that they shouldn’t be expected to learn how to give good OS.

        So, yes, some women do grow up with the ‘body parts are gross’ thing but increasingly, women grow up with a modern understanding of their bodies and others’ bodies which is more balanced and accurate. However, the cultural school that teaches that OS for women is just an afterthought is super prevalent.

        1. Kay says:

          Maybe that is more prevalent within “purity culture?” It is very common in the conservative circles I run in…

          1. M says:

            Yes, I grew up in the ‘purity culture’ movement too…but, I’ve always been ‘precocious’ (that’s the word the doctor used to describe me as an infant) so I always was curious and searching. It’s possible to subscribe to elements of the ‘purity culture’ and still be educated. I am making educating my children a top priority in this area.

            1. Kay says:

              I grew up in the dark side of purity culture, I believe, the side that taught that sex is a necessary evil and women’s bodies in particular are bad and sex is just for him. I’ve overcome most of this, but I think I unknowingly kept this bagage when it came to oral sex. Unfortunately I am lucky; my best friend from my Christian high school still thinks her sexual pleasure doesn’t matter and that her own desire to feel sexy with her husband is sinful. Exactly like Jay wrote today, she struggles with the Madonna – Whore dichotomy and hasn’t been able to overcome it yet, even though we have been out of school for almost 15 years. I will be teaching my children MUCH differently than the harmful messages I received growing up.

              1. M says:

                Yes, I was in that culture too. But, as I said, I am and was a very strong-minded and strong-willed person. Some of my friends are still deep down within that ‘brainwashing’ but by the grace of God I went to public school and paid attention. I also was fortunate that I left home at an early age (parents couldn’t afford to support me) and actually fully left the country so my mind was opened even more after that. Gave me freedom to develop my own thinking skills. I agree that we have to do a better job with the next generation.

    2. Tommy says:

      Same with my wife. And I feel so lucky that I don’t have to spend and hour licking a stinky nasty looking vagina.

      1. Jay Dee says:

        The vast majority of men actually like the taste, smell and look of female genitals. I wonder what happened to you to put them off. I hope you can get over that one day. And I sincerely hope you never share that opinion with your wife. I wouldn’t be surprised if she makes sure never to have sex with you again lest she offend your senses.

  5. Donna says:

    Like I said in my reply earlier. I was in a sexless marriage for way too long. The reasons are too numerous to mention, but a total lack of connection in our day to day life led to a complete disconnection in the bedroom. However now I am married to an amazing man who’s liove for me is deeper because of his intense and meaningful walk with Jesus and his accountability with his brothers in Christ. Oral sex is one of the ways that we express our love to each other and most days start with it. I always hope that it brings a little smile I his face as he thinks about it during the day.

  6. Barry says:

    This is interesting! I was the one who asked this because my wife never really enjoys giving or receiving even tho she had some really knock out orgasms that way. She heard the counselor say that about most women not liking oral sex. That convinced her even more! But we do talk about it and she does not think it is sin just not what God really blesses! Giving it to me for her is not enjoyed and it is not because I am not clean, hairy or do not enjoy giving it to her! I would do it daily if she would want it. She just struggles with it maybe being dirty to do that to me. I had her listen to Bella Rose from delight your marriage as she has several really good podcasts on “oral sex”. She has done it a few times kind of because I enjoy it but she does not enjoy it enough for me to really get into it! How did some of you wives get to really enjoy it? Or did you just get married and expecting to be a part of sex?

    1. libl says:

      Just because someone laughs while being tickled doesn’t mean they enjoy being tickled. They can, in fact, find it torturous.

      Just because someone has a huge orgasm doesn’t mean they enjoyed it. Sometimes it is too intense and thus not pleasurable. This is real life, not porn.

      My dh finds certain activities too intense to really be pleasurable. Sure, some people choose to climb that mountain and see what new ecstasy is on the other side. Sometimes coming down from such heights can lead to feelings of depression, exhaustion, or irritability. It is a lot of hormone stuff going on, and if a whole day lay ahead with real life biting at her heels it can be all too much to bear.

      Some intense orgasms cause all day uterine cramping, which is painful, distracting, and uncomfortable. Imagine trying to spend your day post sex feeling like someone kicked you in the scrotum.

      While our bodies belong to each other in marriage we are still individuals and no one can or should dictate how or how much one ought to experience pleasure.

      Just because 95% of the men in this world love os doesn’t mean my husband ought to, and I stopped obsessing over it. In fact, once I gave in and more deeply explored sex as is, the more pleasure I find in our rather vanilla routine.

      All I am saying is there is more to refusal of os than meets the eye and we have to be careful not to think it is a fixable “should.”

  7. Rechelle says:

    We both love giving and receiving oral sex and I couldn’t imagine our sex life without it!! Of course there are times when neither of us are in the mood to give or sometimes to even receive it (although rarely). When I know I am turning him on, it turns me and yes, it is one of the many ways we express our love for one another. I still can’t understand why in this day and age that oral sex is considered “dirty” even among Christian couples.

  8. Barry says:

    I mean I love her unconditionally and it’s not that I am itching to have oral sex that much. It’s that I think she’s missing out on giving and pushing herself into deeper water.
    I guess I should ask what makes a woman want to do oral sex for a her husband?

    1. Kay says:

      Could it be her insecurity, that she doesn’t know if she is doing it “right?” At least based on results, I must not be too bad at it, lol, but the lack of feedback throughout and after still makes me insecure. I wonder if over the top positive reinforcement might make her more open to it. It can be a powerful feeling to know she does it well and drives you crazy. Why do something if you don’t know if you are any good at it? Especially if you don’t feel like you know what you are doing? Feedback on what feels the best could help, ov maybe even minor instructions like “Oh yeah, keep doing that.” I guess you know your wife and maybe all of this isn’t why she doesn’t like it, but I do like it yet still feel like I don’t know exactly what I am doing or if I am doing a good job. She could be insecure.

  9. Jerry Stumpf says:

    Any form of sexual activity can be seen by someone else as “dirty” if their upbringing taught them that way.

    It could have been a role model or older friend, but it is sad that folks cling to past phobias as their standard.

    As a man, I have always enjoyed oral towards my wife. This is a way to focus all my attention on her pleasure.

    Jay Dee, I look forward to the turn around post.

  10. Anonymous says:

    It is a surprise for me to read about married Christian women like giving oral. In 35+ years of marriage, I have never received OS from my wife. I have given it to her but did not really enjoy. It is a gross factor for her…

    1. M says:

      Can’t speak for ‘married Christian women’ in general, but most Christian people I know that are in their 20s or 30s have no aversion whatsoever to oral sex, in concept. It’s a normal part of the culture now–even for Christian women.

  11. Jeremy says:

    It took more than half of the 21 yrs we’ve been married for us to discover oral sex, but that was because it just never occurred to either of us to pursue it. My wife enjoys giving, but she really doesn’t like receiving it. At first I felt guilty that it was only one way, but after talking to her a few times she convinced me that she really was OK with just giving it to me, that it made her really happy to know that I enjoyed it so much and that she could give that pleasure to me. We always stop before she can finish out of respect for her not really liking me finishing while she’s doing it, and that’s OK with me.

  12. Kevin says:

    Unfortunately for me, my wife is part of the 8% who won’t engage in oral sex. She knows I’d like to add it to our sex life, especially during foreplay, but it never happens. I don’t push her, because I don’t want it out of guilt, but I find myself fixating about it in my mind a lot and I don’t like the thoughts I have or the way I feel when I consider this. I wish I wouldn’t desire this, it would be easier that way. I have talked with her at times about this specifically, I wish I knew how to deal with this better.

    1. Kay says:

      Has she said why? And do you have a relationship where she could answer that honestly? (Like if you smelled, for example. Not saying you do, but that can be an awkward convo, haha.) Also, have you explained what it means to you and why it appeals to you? I thought of it differently after reading a guy explain that it is the most vulnerable of sex acts for him. He is no longer in control and is exposing the very essence of who he is to the most [potentially] dangerous part of who she is, so that kind of trust on his part and complete acceptance on her part can be very meaningful. I thought that was a helpful way to look at it (from a woman’s perspective, anyway). Or maybe she is nervous that is all you will want after that. Or that you will want her to finish you and she doesn’t want to do that. Or she doesn’t know how and doesn’t want to be bad at it so it is safer not to do it at all. My point being, there are a thousand reasons why she won’t, so if you don’t know, I encourage you to try to find out.

      1. Kevin says:

        Thanks for the honest reply. We have both been guilty of being too afraid to talk about sex early on in our marriage and as a result sex was very infrequent. I have now learned to address it openly with her, but she usually just says she has no desire to perform oral sex and she doesn’t know why. I’m sure there’s some guilt from the past and probably some self confidence issues. When.she says she has no desire it cuts me deeply, although I don’t think she realizes it. I worry if I bring it up too often I’m pushing and if she does it it’ll be out of guilt or duty, and if I don’t that she’ll be happy to never think about it again.

  13. Walter says:

    I like giving me Wife oralsex, so it tock years that she startet like it, I like it from the first time on it was not gross to me, it is the best way to bring her to orgasm, for me it is the best thing what ever I can do vor her, I like the feelings on her body wenn she is in an orgasm the way how her muscles are moving and ho she is screaming that sound is giving me a pleasure. all the Women what don’t like it they don,t now what they losing.

    1. M says:

      I think women who don’t like it may have never had a good version of it. In theory, I would love to enjoy OS but my husband is not ‘into’ giving (very, very, very into receiving and I’m happy to oblige). So, thus, his skill has never improved in over a decade and it’s still terrible.

  14. John Wilder says:

    For women who claim that they hate doing oral because of taste or consistency, I have an answer.

    If you stop trying to block his ejaculation with your tongue and just let him shoot into the
    back of your throat, it bypasses all the taste buds because they are on the front of your
    tongue and not the back. Same for consistency. Then it is just a matter of a quick swallow and
    it is gone and makes your husband feel loved and cherished.

    For those women who complain about it taking too long there is also an answer. First of all
    when you have to remove your mouth to takes some breaths, continue stroking his member
    with your hand to keep the stimulation up. If you stop it brings him right back to the startting
    point and you have to start over. To speed things up, take your silkiest pair of panties and lightly
    stroke them under his testicles. The silkiness will remind him of the inside of your well lubricated
    vagina. To really get him off faster, take a Hitachi Majic Wand vibe and have him place it at the
    base of his penis while you are sucking on him and stroking him with your panties and under
    5 minutes he will be climaxing usually screaming because it is the most mind blowing climax
    he will ever have.

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Tried that….just made me numb. No screaming orgasms.

    2. M says:

      I think this is easier said than done, friend. It’s not just taste, it’s temperature, feeling, aftertaste (even if it goes down the back of your throat there will definitely still be an aftertaste). While some women are really great at getting beyond this (and ‘faking it ’til they make it’ as far as not looking too disgusted), basically swallowing like that is like sucking down a big ole’ mouthful of snot that has a very acidic (it burns your throat) taste.

      I think men should have a go at practicing this technique and then they would ‘get’ that it’s not ‘all fun and games’ when swallowing is involved. I’ve gotten to the point where I can do it without throwing up and not grimace. Still takes me a few minutes to physically get my bearings afterward.

      As far as your advice for how to speed up the process…everyone is an individual…many of those things my man would find obnoxious and irritating.

      Now, I’d like to hear your take on how men can give better OS to women because that’s the topic that is really never covered. You can go to any magazine on the internet and find pages and pages and pages of advice for how women can do a better job at OS but the articles written on the opposite topic are quite lacking.

  15. Richard Hunsucker says:

    I don’t know about other guys.. But my wife sure loves giving it to me..

  16. crystal says:

    I love giving my husband oral and I enjoy swallowing. When he feels great pleasure I am proud to have pleased him. Oral sex has never been an issue for me. When it is that time of the month and I obviously can’t give myself to him I give him oral and swallow so he can still enjoy me.

    1. M says:

      You can’t give yourself to him during that time of the month? You mean orally? Because, period sex has been a mainstay of our relationship for 15 years and it’s great. I highly recommend it. Helps with cramping and mood as well!

      Kudos to you to for being able to swallow without throwing up. 🙂

    2. Tony Conrad says:

      Crystal: How can he have IC after that? Stupid question I know but would that be the main event then as usually once a man orgasms that’s it?

  17. Bryan says:

    Husband of 8% wife for two decades here. “It’s gross” is the answer I get and any attempt at conversation about it is met with silence, so I just stopped trying. It really hurts sometimes, and I have to fight against anger. Thankfully she is generous in other ways–plenty of duty, but her fears write the rules.

  18. Mrsluvmyhub says:

    I am happy to pleasure hub with my mouth because he really enjoys it, but I can’t get my head around having him ejaculate in my mouth. I worry I will gag or worse vomit! The taste is very strong, even on a vegetarian diet. And the volume is too much and texture is like raw egg white. I try tiny tastes when I can hoping to acclimatise myself to the strong taste. I love the pre-cum but that is a very small amount and watery texture.

    I really want to be able to go all the way because hubby really wants that but I just can’t make myself do it! 🙁 I pleasure him as much as I can, but always stop before the end and I know hub is dissapojnted by that. I hope I can get over it one day and just do it. He says when I use my mouth on him he feels extremely close to me. It’s very intimate for him.

    He won’t give me oral, but I don’t really want him to anyway. Mostly worried he won’t like the smell or taste. I have no issue with my own taste!

    1. M says:

      I hear ya’ on this one. As I commented before, the texture is like a mouthful of snot. The temperature is also like swallowing someone else’s snot. The taste is acidic and can burn your throat and make your eyes water and sting–even on a healthy, clean diet. My only advice is two words: Flavored Lube. I like one that’s made with aloe and has a very strong mint flavor. Helps a ton!

      Too bad that he won’t even attempt OS on you. That’s a sad situation.

  19. alchemist says:

    I don’t particularly like it. It’s never been appealing to me. In fact, before I was married I didn’t think I’d ever do it for any reason. My husband (then boyfriend) kept saying people enjoy it. When pressed he admitted that he’d done it before and enjoyed it a lot (I knew about his past experience before). This did NOT help.

    I still don’t desire doing it. It makes me feel vaguely ill to think about it tbh. I don’t have any kind of past and I wasn’t taught it was dirty. It just seems like such a bizarre thing to do. I’ve tried it, because my husband has asked/ hinted at least half a dozen times in the space of our 3 month marriage. Not that he pressures me, but he’s really reserved. He almost never asks for things. So asking that many times in such a short time means he *really* wants it. He’s not able to explain why. Beyond saying it feels good. He has done it to me quite a few times. Can’t say I particularly like it.

    Why is this such a big deal to guys. Why do guys like it? Giving or receiving? I really struggle to wrap my head around this. Should I just keep trying hoping I’ll learn to like it?

    1. John Wilder says:

      Hey Alchemist

      Because it can be the most intensely explosive orgasm a man can have

    2. Jay Dee says:

      I think it’s about more than just the physical feeling. There an intimacy in oral sex that doesn’t quite get matched in other activities. For one, too often we’re ashamed or embarrassed about our genitals (regardless of gender), and in oral sex, you have your spouse literally kissing them, showing that they not only am not repulsed by them, but are showing affection towards them.

      Secondly, there’s the vulnerability of having your spouse’s best weapons (teeth) at your most sensitive area, and still having a peace about it, knowing it’s okay, extending that trust and having it returned.

      Thirdly, it’s an act that’s just for you. There’s no need for reciprocation, there’s no expectations, just a selfless gift. And that’s nice to get. Of course, giving that gift is also a lot of fun 🙂

      Fourthly, for me, it’s a reminder of how far we’ve come. In our sexless years, my wife never even tried giving oral sex. Now, it’s a frequent occurrence. It’s sort of a “wow, look at how far we’ve come” every time it happens.

      That’s my view of it anyways. Some may only be interested in the physical sensations, but I think it’s much deeper than that.

      1. alchemist says:

        Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I can see how physical reminders of progress is good, but It makes about as much sense as quantum chemistry. Which is to say, I can sort of see a glimmer of how that might work, but mostly its just ???? Ok. My take-away is guys are weird.

        I think I’m still getting used to all this physical intimacy stuff. It’s very bizarre. Maybe I should think about it less. My brain may be getting in the way. I’m not super comfortable with overwhelming sensations and feelings and things.

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  22. Emma says:

    Very informative post. I believe it’s okay if a woman doesn’t like giving oral. It’s just like any other decision. Everybody should have the freedom to make their own. Plus you can always find alternatives. 😉

  23. Frustrated says:

    Sounds like my wife. Shes convinced only “porn users” do it and its just another way for men to dominate their women. I lost track how many times I’ve heard her say “theres no woman in her right mind out there who …[insert sex act here]” Glad to hear someone out there is enjoying it. Not in my reality. My cross to bear. 🙁

    1. Jay Dee says:

      Well, next time she starts a sentence like that, let me know, and I can let you know how many actually do.

  24. aayanoki says:

    i enjoy giving oral sex! big reason, my husband on build up says ‘i love you’ 20 times and tells me to swallow, but after he cums he changes and says, no, you don’t have to…it makes it easier to know i don’t have to swallow! really, taste is terrible!

    1. Jay Dee says:

      So, are you saying it turns you on when he says he wants you to swallow, even when you don’t like the taste?

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