Yesterday morning (4 am my time), I received an anonymous question from a new reader. She’s had a, shall we say, colourful life, but now has settled down, has become a Christian, has a husband and is growing in Christ. But, while we are all forgiven, forgiveness does not always equate to a blank slate. While it does in God’s eyes, the fact is, we still bear the consequences of our actions, grace or no grace. These aren’t punishments from God, they are just us getting through life following our own will, or sometimes being subject to the will of others.
And so, this dear sister in Christ comes to me with a question that I’m sure is weighing on many of our sisters in the christian community. In fact, I’m almost positive this is a gender wide question for wives regardless of faith:
Does my husband still find me attractive? Continue reading
I’ve seen this question in a few places where all of a sudden a wife lets out that she wants her husband to tie her up. Note: I’ve been seeing these WAY before 50 Shades of Grey was even a concept. I am not writing about that book! There are a billion reasons why you shouldn’t read it, go read Pulling Back The Shades if you want more info. But what about these genuine wives who have a real desire, not brought about by some piece of fiction, to try this? I’ve been that husband who sat there and thought, “Is this OK“, “What do I do?“, “How do I start?”
I like to pull Bible passages when I can, but the Bible is pretty silent on most sexual practices. There are prohibitions against things like bestiality and incest, against adultery, impure thoughts and practices, but what about what happens in a marriage bed between mutually consenting adults? Continue reading
The other day, I had a thought: Why don’t I give my wife more massages? Seriously. This isn’t a rhetorical question. I mean, let’s think about it. In my marriage (and I’m guessing many more), massages:
- Help her relax
- Help her transition from “mother” or “teacher” or whatever-else to wife
- Help get her in the mood
- Help get her ready for more sexual touch
- Let me see her body
- Let me feel her body
- Let me give her pleasure
- Usually lead to better-than-average sex (and our average is pretty amazing already). Continue reading
This must be the most frequent question I get. Readers always want to know “how do I get my spouse to do …”, whatever. It’s not always phrased this bluntly, there are a myriad of subtle variations (like this comment on my last post), but at the end of day the spouse A wants spouse B to do (or not do) something they aren’t (or are) doing. We want an action plan, and people have made millions creating action plans and selling them to the masses, because we all want to believe that if he did A -> B -> C and got to D, we can follow the same steps.
What did you do?
I’ve been pretty clear that my marriage was not always what it is now, that we started off being a “sexless” marriage, but we have, over the years, improved. I often get asked “what did you do to fix it?” I know what you want. You want a turnkey solution to fixing your marriage. Continue reading
We had a pretty rough Christmas break in 2012. December started with everyone in the family getting colds, which, with 4 kids is a fairly regular event, nothing new. We all got over it, except my wife. Hers persisted for weeks. She went to the doctor after the first couple of weeks, was told it’s just a cough and cold, you’ll get over it.
A few weeks later with no improvement, she went back. Turns out she had bronchitis. So, she went on the medication, which made her feel worse than ever. Finally, by mid-January, she’s pretty much back to normal.
So, what does this have to do with Sex Within Marriage? Well, basically, our sex-life tanked during this sickness. Now, our marriage is pretty solid, and we can weather dry-spells like this these days. I’ll admit, after a while, I do get a bit cranky, but I’m not feeling depressed or wondering if my wife still loves me like I used to.
But, after a week or two of our frequency being back up near normal, I have noticed quite a few things are different that I wasn’t really noticing during the month. Now, I always knew that I performed better in life when we’re having regular sex, but I didn’t realize how much. Continue reading
I often read, in forums and comments, complaints from one spouse or another who isn’t getting what they want out of sex. Sometimes it has to do with a very simple problem of the spouses not knowing each others goals in a sexual encounter (or all of them).
So, what are some potential goals for a sexual encounter? Continue reading