I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve been getting more and more comments from women say that they want sex more than their husbands, completely shattering the stereotype that men always want more sex. There are blogs from women in these types of marriages, guest posts, threads on message boards, everywhere you see wives saying “I want my husband to want me!”, but still the popular myth is maintained: that men need/want sex more than women. And anywhere a woman stands up and says “I like sex” or “I want sex every day” or “I want sex more than my husband”, there is someone standing up calling “unicorn” (mythical creature). But anyone who runs a blog dealing with marriage or sex, and I’d guess anyone in that area of marriage counselling as well, has to know that these are not unicorns, and there aren’t more of them every day, they’re just becoming more vocal. Continue reading
Do you have anything on, “What to do if you’re a widow or widowed now”, as now there’s no sexual partner but only desires, what do you do?
It stunned me because, I have not given a single thought to this, and frankly, that’s pretty rare for me. Usually I have some thought on any subject. But this time I sort of echoed the question: “Yeah! What DO you do?” What if you are the surviving spouse, and you are used to having a sexual relationship and now it’s suddenly gone?
So, I turn to the Bible, because it is my first source of wisdom. Then I discussed it with my wife, because she is my second source of wisdom, and she basically pointed me back to the Bible (with suggestions). And then I thought about it because, well, that’s what I do, and sure enough, more Bible verses came to mind. So, here’s what I came up with. Continue reading
We had a pretty rough Christmas break in 2012. December started with everyone in the family getting colds, which, with 4 kids is a fairly regular event, nothing new. We all got over it, except my wife. Hers persisted for weeks. She went to the doctor after the first couple of weeks, was told it’s just a cough and cold, you’ll get over it.
A few weeks later with no improvement, she went back. Turns out she had bronchitis. So, she went on the medication, which made her feel worse than ever. Finally, by mid-January, she’s pretty much back to normal.
So, what does this have to do with Sex Within Marriage? Well, basically, our sex-life tanked during this sickness. Now, our marriage is pretty solid, and we can weather dry-spells like this these days. I’ll admit, after a while, I do get a bit cranky, but I’m not feeling depressed or wondering if my wife still loves me like I used to.
But, after a week or two of our frequency being back up near normal, I have noticed quite a few things are different that I wasn’t really noticing during the month. Now, I always knew that I performed better in life when we’re having regular sex, but I didn’t realize how much. Continue reading
I often read, in forums and comments, complaints from one spouse or another who isn’t getting what they want out of sex. Sometimes it has to do with a very simple problem of the spouses not knowing each others goals in a sexual encounter (or all of them).
So, what are some potential goals for a sexual encounter? Continue reading
OK men, I’m going to address you a bit further down, but this part is for the ladies:
Short answer: No. I don’t mean “tell him “NO””. I mean, there is no good way to tell your husband “No Sex Tonight”. Here’s why:
No matter what you say, how you phrase it, he’s still going to hear that you have unilaterally decided that this component of your marriage is not happening tonight.
Now, what would happen if you tried to start a conversation with your husband and he, instead of responding verbally, handed you a card that said “No talking tonight”, and then went back to watching TV. Chances are, you’d be fairly upset. Why? Because one person decided on their own what was happening in the marriage.
Some of you know how it feels to have your spouse decide their not coming to church today, not interested in praying today, don’t want to do devotions together today. It hurts to have a component (spiritual in this case) taken away from your marriage without consent.
Now (speaking in the context of marriage), sex without consent is marital rape. No sex without consent is what many of in the marriage blog-o-sphere would term “refusal”. Both are a breaking of the marriage vows, and I’d argue both are sinful.
So, how do you tell him it’s not happening tonight? You don’t. You shouldn’t, and, you shouldn’t have to. Here’s why: Continue reading
I received this question in the comments on the post What Do I Do If I Get Turned On By Someone/Something Other Than My Spouse?
If you knew your spouse was deliberately looking at stuff to get aroused, but goes to you for sex, would you refuse them? Would you also refuse sex with your spouse if they accidentally see something arousing in a movie, but watch it anyway with no repentance or attempt to look away and then they come to you for sex?
It is one of my fears that I’m having sex with my husband, but he is having sex with someone else (in his mind.)
Now, this presents a problem, we have two concepts in direct opposition to each other:
- Sex is a marriage right. One spouse does not have the right to deny the other.
- Sex is viewed by many men as a “reward” or an indication that everything is alright in the relationship. So, having sex may be telling him that you are OK with his behavior.
So, how do we reconcile these two opposing choices?