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Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended

spice up sex life


I’ve seen this question in a few places where all of a sudden a wife lets out that she wants her husband to tie her up.  Note: I’ve been seeing these WAY before 50 Shades of Grey was even a concept.  I am not writing about that book!  There are a billion reasons why you shouldn’t read it, go read Pulling Back The Shades if you want more info.  But what about these genuine wives who have a real desire, not brought about by some piece of fiction, to try this?  I’ve been that husband who sat there and thought, “Is this OK“, “What do I do?“, “How do I start?
I like to pull Bible passages when I can, but the Bible is pretty silent on most sexual practices.  There are prohibitions against things like bestiality and incest, against adultery, impure thoughts and practices, but what about what happens in a marriage bed between mutually consenting adults? Continue reading

massageThe other day, I had a thought: Why don’t I give my wife more massages?  Seriously.  This isn’t a rhetorical question.  I mean, let’s think about it.  In my marriage (and I’m guessing many more), massages:

  1. Help her relax
  2. Help her transition from “mother” or “teacher” or whatever-else to wife
  3. Help get her in the mood
  4. Help get her ready for more sexual touch
  5. Let me see her body
  6. Let me feel her body
  7. Let me give her pleasure
  8. Usually lead to better-than-average sex (and our average is pretty amazing already). Continue reading

I do a lot of research about sexuality and theology, those are the two biggest areas of research in my life.  It’s no surprise, then, that I eventually started a blog exploring the intersection of these two interests.  But my research is not limited to the Bible and personal experience.  Before you get scared, let me explain:

I read a lot of books about theology, I also read blogs, and talk to many differing people.  I talk to Atheists, Muslims, Buddhists, Agnostics, and people of many other faiths.  I also discuss what I believe with as many people from other denominations as I can find, because I’m not arrogant enough to think that my denomination, or even Christianity, has it 100% figured out.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe Christ is the Way the Truth and the Life, but I respect the Islamic focus on prayer and fasting, the Buddhist focus on peace, Mormon’s devotion to the family and the priesthood, the United church’s focus on accepting everyone, and many many others.

So, what does this have to do with sex within marriage?  I also do a lot of research outside of the Christian sphere in regards to sexuality.  I read books from humanist authors who push evolution when discussing sex.  I listen to Podcasts from non-christian speakers who make fun of Christian family ideals.  I read blogs from ex-Christians who think we’re all nuts for thinking there is a God.  Why?  Because the fact is, there are not many Christians doing ground-breaking work in the sphere of sexuality.  So, I listen, I read, I discuss and argue, and I distill it all down, cross reference with the Bible and what I believe and then, if there is something to be gained from it and it doesn’t contradict the Bible, I share it.  This is not the impetus of many of my posts, or even the bulk of my content in a single post, but I learn here and there, little tips, little bits of information, research that is being done and such that help to strengthen the Christian ideal of marriage as God intended.  A prime example of information I’ve shared is the post Is Sex A Need Or A Want?

So, lately I’ve been hearing the strangest phrase pop up all over the place: “Christian Porn”. Continue reading

This is the ninth post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.  I have a bunch of questions left from the A Males Perspective teleconference I spoke at last week.  As such, I’ll be using this marathon to answer some of the questions I received.  Please note, these are my perspective.  I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women.  Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course.  Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender.  So, on to the question:

I would like for my husband to be more creative when it comes to initiating sex and not just jumping into it. What should I do?

Alright, first things first.  Go back and read my post called
Does It Hurt A Man’s Feelings When We Give Instructions To Him In The Bedroom On What We Like And Dislike As A Women In Bed?  I know, it’s a long title, but the post is pretty short.  I’ll wait.

Done?  Good, because this post won’t work unless you understand and apply that post.

Continue reading

OK, I know, I know, every blog about marriage, relationships, etc has at least one article with that title.  They usual have a large list of techniques, activities.  Maybe they suggest a blindfold (gasp).  But that’s the easy stuff.  I think you guys are ready for the really intense tip.  There’s only one.  But it’s a game changer.

In fact, it’s so big, I needed a Venn diagram.
Continue reading

A couple of posts ago, I wrote about my wife and I placing sexual bets on a card game, and we had an awesome time.  Not only was the sex fun, but it brought a new element of fun to the card game as well.  So, we started thinking about what else we could improve using this same method.

So, we’re going to try to apply it to personal development.  This time around, specifically weight loss.  We both have some extra pounds we want to lose, so we’ve set up a game for ourselves.  We’re going to track loss week to week.  From Monday to Monday, we’re going to weigh ourselves and the spouse who losses the most gets to pick a sexual favor to be performed by the other spouse.

Some qualifiers:

Continue reading

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