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Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended

sex drive

Reasons Not To Have SexThis was a simple little survey that I created, originally to answer a simple question:  do husbands and wife’s agree on whether or not the choice to not have sex on a given night is mutual.  This question was raised due to a comment on a recent post.

I added a few more questions, partially so that it wasn’t a two question survey, partially because, well, if people are going to fill it out, I might as well get a bit more data, and partially because it’s generally a bad idea to ask only what you want on a survey, because people tend to answer differently if they know what you are looking for, thus ruining the data.

In total, 159 respondents filled out the survey when I grabbed the data set I’ll be working from. Continue reading

I Want My Husband To Want MeI don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve been getting more and more comments from women say that they want sex more than their husbands, completely shattering the stereotype that men always want more sex.  There are blogs from women in these types of marriages, guest posts, threads on message boards, everywhere you see wives saying “I want my husband to want me!”, but still the popular myth is maintained: that men need/want sex more than women.  And anywhere a woman stands up and says “I like sex” or “I want sex every day” or “I want sex more than my husband”, there is someone standing up calling “unicorn” (mythical creature).  But anyone who runs a blog dealing with marriage or sex, and I’d guess anyone in that area of marriage counselling as well, has to know that these are not unicorns, and there aren’t more of them every day, they’re just becoming more vocal. Continue reading

What_About_Sex_For_The_Widowed_SpouseI received a question today that frankly stunned me:

Do you have anything on, “What to do if you’re a widow or widowed now”, as now there’s no sexual partner but only desires, what do you do?
Thank you

It stunned me because, I have not given a single thought to this, and frankly, that’s pretty rare for me.  Usually I have some thought on any subject.  But this time I sort of echoed the question: “Yeah! What DO you do?”

So, I turn to the Bible, because it is my first source of wisdom.  Then I discussed it with my wife, because she is my second source of wisdom, and she basically pointed me back to the Bible (with suggestions).  And then I thought about it because, well, that’s what I do, and sure enough, more Bible verses came to mind.  So, here’s what I came up with. Continue reading

Why Doesn't My Wife Want Sex

I’ve been praying for years to understand my wife better, in particular, why she doesn’t want sex as often as I do.  Being the higher drive spouse who thinks about sex almost constantly, it is sometimes mind-boggling to me why she doesn’t think about sex…well…ever, unless we’re having sex at that moment.  However, I do not think I’ve been praying with the right mindset/heart.  I was always praying more with the idea that if I understood her, I’d be able to change her.  Sort of a “know your enemy” idea, which, I admit, is a bad way to think about your spouses libido, as the enemy.  But recently that’s been changing. Continue reading

Awakening Reaction

My last post, How Long Does a Sexual Awakening Take?, dealt with the fact that an awakening is sometimes a process, and one must be patient during that process.  This one will tackle the other side of the marriage: Typically, the high-drive spouse, the partner of the “awakened” spouse.

So, how do you react when your spouse has had/is having an awakening?  Now, the only experience I have is my own to draw on, though I have read bits and pieces of others.  An awakening is fairly rare (once per couple max) event, and very few people are willing to discuss it openly, because, well, it has to do with their sex life.  But I have seen some similarities in comments, posts, forums, and the like, with my experience, so I don’t think mine is that radically different than the majority.  That said, I could be wrong, so keep that in mind. Continue reading

SexualAwakeningJust so everyone is on the same page: the term “Awakening” is used in many Christian Marriage communities to describe a point where a spouse who has been refusing (limiting sex in the relationship), or one who just has an extremely low (or no) libido, suddenly turns around and realizes sex is important, or that they have a sex drive after all.

There is typically one single conversation, a moment, or something defining that suddenly changes the relationship, whether it be a conversation between spouses, a conversation with a friend, a book, a blog article, a sermon, a verse, a prayer, God’s voice, whatever.  In every case I have seen, heard, or read about (including my own), there is one pivotal instant where everything changes. Continue reading