It’s a fairly common belief: the idea that kids ruin your sex life. We see it in movies, in TV shows. It’s so pervasive that it’s become almost accepted as truth. In fact, there are couples who decide not to have kids, because of this belief. Is it true? Does it have to be this way? If you have kids, are you doomed to have a lower frequency of the act that brought those same kids into the world? Continue reading
I often read, in forums and comments, complaints from one spouse or another who isn’t getting what they want out of sex. Sometimes it has to do with a very simple problem of the spouses not knowing each others goals in a sexual encounter (or all of them).
So, what are some potential goals for a sexual encounter? Continue reading
This is the seventh post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. I have a bunch of questions left from the A Males Perspective teleconference I spoke at last week. As such, I’ll be using this marathon to answer some of the questions I received. Please note, these are my perspective. I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women. Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course. Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender. So, on to the question:
Do you believe that couples go through sexual seasons in their relationships?
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: We’ve been through a few already in our short (11 year) marriage. Continue reading
We’re currently enjoying our fourth newborn. All our children have been breastfed, and this one is no different. Let me start by saying that I 100% agree with breastfeeding children. I think it’s the healthiest thing for them and I would never suggest anything else except in extreme cases. And nothing that follows changes that belief one iota.
That said, here’s what I hate about it (in no particular order):
I don’t get to play with them anymore
My wife’s breasts used to be mine. They were for me alone. It was my right to kiss them, lick them, suck them, bite them, tweak them, rub them, hold them, whatever. So long as it gave my wife pleasure, they were mine to enjoy. Sometimes even if it did nothing for her, they were still mine to enjoy.
The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
1 Corinthians 7:4
Now I never get to touch them. Continue reading
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this topic for the last few days, weeks, months, years. I guess it’s been on my mind since I got married, or shortly afterwards. As stated in my first post, my marriage started off a little rocky, and physical intimacy was one of the large points of contention between us. My wife had a very low sex drive due to birth-control pills, and I wasn’t helping anything with my emotional walls I had built up as a teenager.
Things are much improved these days, but pregnancy, periods, and other life events of course occasionally interrupt our sex life.
Side effects of no sex
During these times, I’m afraid I’m not very patient. At around day 3 or 4, I start getting a little antsy and frustrated. This leads to my temper shortening. I’m harder on the kids, and I’m less emotionally supportive of my wife. I’m not proud of this. I fight it, but I haven’t been very successful so far.
My wife has similar symptoms. Now, whether they are internally generated like mine, or merely a response to my bearish behaviour, I can’t say. But it is the reality. Continue reading
We recently welcomed our fourth child into our family and I thought I’d write a bit to reflect what’s going on on the sexual side of things in terms of pregnancy and after the birth from the male perspective.
Now, I know this may rub wrong with the women who read this, because pregnancy is typically all about the women. I can’t speak for that side, so I’m going to post on behalf of the men, especially myself. I want to let people know about the struggles involved for the husband, because we get overlooked a lot during this time, and frankly, it’s dangerous.
Now, this is a generalization based on my experiences, there will be exceptions, but I think what’s happening in our household is fairly normal.
So, if you are planning to get pregnant, things start of great! Your wife wants sex all the time (or at least while she’s fertile), she seems always in the mood and ready at the drop of a hat. Now, here’s where the first conflict emerges: Continue reading