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porn addiction

The Fantasy Fallacy Book ReviewLast month, I finally got to read The Fantasy Fallacy by Shannon Ethridge.  It had been in my kindle for a while just itching to be read.  The Fantasy Fallacy addresses a timeless question I think, but made even more timely in our particular age, especially right on the heels of the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon.   Our culture seems to be accelerating lately in it’s process of bringing sexual immorality into the forefront.  Part of this shift is to make acceptable erotic literature to the masses.

One of the questions this shift forces us, as Christians, to focus on is what constitutes sexual immorality, where is the line?  This book focuses on the question “What do we do with fantasy?”  Is it evil?  Is it OK?  Is it from the devil, or part of God’s design for us? →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Porn Use Harms MarriageIn 2012, I wrote a post called What Is Christian Porn? because it was a phrase I was seeing pop up here and there and I thought it was a ridiculous oxymoron.  Since then, people looking for “Christian Porn” accounts for 2% of my total traffic!  I was floored when I started seeing just how many people are looking for this.  How did this become acceptable?  Lately I’ve found out there is a Christian Porn movement!  Yep, there is an actual group of Christians trying to reclaim porn (like we ever had it).  This is astounding to me.  How could this happen?

The only conclusion I’ve could come up with is that we are telling people porn is bad, porn is wrong but failing to discuss it in an intelligent manner.  We don’t bother explaining why it’s wrong, why it’s bad for you, how it can harm your marriage (future or present).  Because of this, we have a lot of people saying “well, I’m not hurting anyone”, and off they go, looking for porn.  So, how can porn be harmful? →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

I received this question in the comments on the post What Do I Do If I Get Turned On By Someone/Something Other Than My Spouse?

If you knew your spouse was deliberately looking at stuff to get aroused, but goes to you for sex, would you refuse them?  Would you also refuse sex with your spouse if they accidentally see something arousing in a movie, but watch it anyway with no repentance or attempt to look away and then they come to you for sex?

It is one of my fears that I’m having sex with my husband, but he is having sex with someone else (in his mind.)

Now, this presents a problem, we have two concepts in direct opposition to each other:

  1. Sex is a marriage right.  One spouse does not have the right to deny the other.
  2. Sex is viewed by many men as a “reward” or an indication that everything is alright in the relationship.  So, having sex may be telling him that you are OK with his behavior.

So, how do we reconcile these two opposing choices?

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I received a comment today on the Why Do Married Men Masturbate post, and after writing two responses (a computer crash and a browser crash), the third one finally finished up way to long for a comment, so I thought I’d just turn it into a post because others might be in the same situation.  The comment is below and my response further down.  Please keep in mind, I’m just a lay-person who has been the male in a similar situation, that is the only expertise I can claim.  You know your situation better than I, I just hope I can lend some perspective to it. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Why do husbands masturbate? This is the eighth post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.  I have a bunch of questions left from the A Males Perspective teleconference I spoke at last week.  As such, I’ll be using this marathon to answer some of the questions I received.  Please note, these are my perspective.  I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women.  Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course.  Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender.  So, on to the question:

Why do married men masturbate?

I’m expecting to lose some people on this one, but I’m going to write it anyways, because the question was posed, and I think it’s important.  If you disagree with me, please discuss it instead of just shutting it out because it’s uncomfortable to talk about.   →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

This is the seventh post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.  I have a bunch of questions left from the A Males Perspective teleconference I spoke at last week.  As such, I’ll be using this marathon to answer some of the questions I received.  Please note, these are my perspective.  I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women.  Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course.  Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender.  So, on to the question:

Do you believe that couples go through sexual seasons in their relationships?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: We’ve been through a few already in our short (11 year) marriage. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading