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Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended

need sex

Sex is a reward for men.  Rewarded with sex.  Paid with sex.  Rewarded with sex. This is the eleventh post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.  I have a bunch of questions left from the A Males Perspective teleconference I spoke at last week.  As such, I’ll be using this marathon to answer some of the questions I received.  Please note, these are my perspective.  I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women.  Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course.  Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender.  So, on to the question:

In one of your blog you said that men like to be rewarded for being a good provider, father, and just a man in general. And to most men If they have done something good it should = Sex, Something bad = No sex! Can you tell me why men tend to think this way?

There are 3 reasons I can think of (there may be more) for men thinking sex is a reward:

  • Hormones
  • Society’s teachings
  • How close sexuality is to our core self

So, let’s explore them. Continue reading

This is the second post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.  I have a bunch of questions left from the A Males Perspective teleconference I spoke at last week.  As such, I’ll be using this marathon to answer some of the questions I received.  Please note, these are my perspective.  I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women.  So, on to the question:

Why do you think men think about sex more than women? And why is that so important to a man in his marriage?

So, I think the first question to ask is, do men actually think about sex more than women?  There is a myth out there that men think about sex about once every 7 seconds while they are awake.  This myth is false, I don’t know who started it, or why and it doesn’t really matter.  What does appear certain is that, on average, men seem to think about sex more than women do.  Researchers don’t agree on how often, and it varies greatly from person to person.  One study says 19 times a day on average, another says every 5 minutes for teenagers and every 30 minutes for older adults, another says that 45% of men think about sex less than once a day. Continue reading

One of our largest topics for fighting conflict (more so in the past) is that I (from her perspective) “want sex all the time”.  I have pretty hard time denying that allegation, because, well, its true.

I see this theme a lot in my readings on message boards, blogs, Facebook, twitter, etc.  Statements like:

“All he wants is sex”

“All he thinks about is sex”

“All he wants me for is sex”

“He wants sex all the time” Continue reading

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this topic for the last few days, weeks, months, years.  I guess it’s been on my mind since I got married, or shortly afterwards.  As stated in my first post, my marriage started off a little rocky, and physical intimacy was one of the large points of contention between us.  My wife had a very low sex drive due to birth-control pills, and I wasn’t helping anything with my emotional walls I had built up as a teenager.

Things are much improved these days, but pregnancy, periods, and other life events of course occasionally interrupt our sex life.

Side effects of no sex

During these times, I’m afraid I’m not very patient.  At around day 3 or 4, I start getting a little antsy and frustrated.  This leads to my temper shortening.  I’m harder on the kids, and I’m less emotionally supportive of my wife.  I’m not proud of this.  I fight it, but I haven’t been very successful so far.

My wife has similar symptoms.  Now, whether they are internally generated like mine, or merely a response to my bearish behaviour, I can’t say.  But it is the reality. Continue reading