I wrote a survey this weekend to help out with a post and answer a question from a reader: Was their spouse attracted to them? So many people commented, both in the survey, on Facebook, message boards, in emails, comments, etc., that they wanted to see the results, that I just have to share them. At the time of this post, the sample set was 183 respondents. Continue reading
Yesterday morning (4 am my time), I received an anonymous question from a new reader. She’s had a, shall we say, colourful life, but now has settled down, has become a Christian, has a husband and is growing in Christ. But, while we are all forgiven, forgiveness does not always equate to a blank slate. While it does in God’s eyes, the fact is, we still bear the consequences of our actions, grace or no grace. These aren’t punishments from God, they are just us getting through life following our own will, or sometimes being subject to the will of others.
And so, this dear sister in Christ comes to me with a question that I’m sure is weighing on many of our sisters in the christian community. In fact, I’m almost positive this is a gender wide question for wives regardless of faith:
Does my husband still find me attractive? Continue reading
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve been getting more and more comments from women say that they want sex more than their husbands, completely shattering the stereotype that men always want more sex. There are blogs from women in these types of marriages, guest posts, threads on message boards, everywhere you see wives saying “I want my husband to want me!”, but still the popular myth is maintained: that men need/want sex more than women. And anywhere a woman stands up and says “I like sex” or “I want sex every day” or “I want sex more than my husband”, there is someone standing up calling “unicorn” (mythical creature). But anyone who runs a blog dealing with marriage or sex, and I’d guess anyone in that area of marriage counselling as well, has to know that these are not unicorns, and there aren’t more of them every day, they’re just becoming more vocal. Continue reading
I often read, in forums and comments, complaints from one spouse or another who isn’t getting what they want out of sex. Sometimes it has to do with a very simple problem of the spouses not knowing each others goals in a sexual encounter (or all of them).
So, what are some potential goals for a sexual encounter? Continue reading
Short answer: No. I don’t mean “tell him “NO”". I mean, there is no good way. Here’s why:
No matter what you say, how you phrase it, he’s still going to hear that you have unilaterally decided that this component of your marriage is not happening tonight.
Now, what would happen if you tried to start a conversation with your husband and he, instead of responding verbally, handed you a card that said “No talking tonight”, and then went back to watching TV. Chances are, you’d be fairly upset. Why? Because one person decided on their own what was happening in the marriage.
Some of you know how it feels to have your spouse decide their not coming to church today, not interested in praying today, don’t want to do devotions together today. It hurts to have a component (spiritual in this case) taken away from your marriage without consent.
Now (speaking in the context of marriage), sex without consent is marital rape. No sex without consent is what many of in the marriage blog-o-sphere would term “refusal”. Both are a breaking of the marriage vows, and I’d argue both are sinful.
So, how do you tell him it’s not happening tonight? You don’t. You shouldn’t, and, you shouldn’t have to. Here’s why: Continue reading
I’ve seen this question floating around. Why is it that men like sex in the morning? It drives a lot of women absolutely crazy, because they wake up in the morning feeling groggy, haven’t done their makeup, they have bed-head, etc., etc., basically, not feeling fully confident in themselves as a sexual being.
So, why is it that men are ready to go first thing in the morning.
I think there are two reasons. Continue reading