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Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended

low drive

I Want My Husband To Want MeI don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve been getting more and more comments from women say that they want sex more than their husbands, completely shattering the stereotype that men always want more sex.  There are blogs from women in these types of marriages, guest posts, threads on message boards, everywhere you see wives saying “I want my husband to want me!”, but still the popular myth is maintained: that men need/want sex more than women.  And anywhere a woman stands up and says “I like sex” or “I want sex every day” or “I want sex more than my husband”, there is someone standing up calling “unicorn” (mythical creature).  But anyone who runs a blog dealing with marriage or sex, and I’d guess anyone in that area of marriage counselling as well, has to know that these are not unicorns, and there aren’t more of them every day, they’re just becoming more vocal. Continue reading

Why Doesn't My Wife Want Sex

I’ve been praying for years to understand my wife better, in particular, why she doesn’t want sex as often as I do.  Being the higher drive spouse who thinks about sex almost constantly, it is sometimes mind-boggling to me why she doesn’t think about sex…well…ever, unless we’re having sex at that moment.  However, I do not think I’ve been praying with the right mindset/heart.  I was always praying more with the idea that if I understood her, I’d be able to change her.  Sort of a “know your enemy” idea, which, I admit, is a bad way to think about your spouses libido, as the enemy.  But recently that’s been changing. Continue reading

Awakening Reaction

My last post, How Long Does a Sexual Awakening Take?, dealt with the fact that an awakening is sometimes a process, and one must be patient during that process.  This one will tackle the other side of the marriage: Typically, the high-drive spouse, the partner of the “awakened” spouse.

So, how do you react when your spouse has had/is having an awakening?  Now, the only experience I have is my own to draw on, though I have read bits and pieces of others.  An awakening is fairly rare (once per couple max) event, and very few people are willing to discuss it openly, because, well, it has to do with their sex life.  But I have seen some similarities in comments, posts, forums, and the like, with my experience, so I don’t think mine is that radically different than the majority.  That said, I could be wrong, so keep that in mind. Continue reading

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this topic for the last few days, weeks, months, years.  I guess it’s been on my mind since I got married, or shortly afterwards.  As stated in my first post, my marriage started off a little rocky, and physical intimacy was one of the large points of contention between us.  My wife had a very low sex drive due to birth-control pills, and I wasn’t helping anything with my emotional walls I had built up as a teenager.

Things are much improved these days, but pregnancy, periods, and other life events of course occasionally interrupt our sex life.

Side effects of no sex

During these times, I’m afraid I’m not very patient.  At around day 3 or 4, I start getting a little antsy and frustrated.  This leads to my temper shortening.  I’m harder on the kids, and I’m less emotionally supportive of my wife.  I’m not proud of this.  I fight it, but I haven’t been very successful so far.

My wife has similar symptoms.  Now, whether they are internally generated like mine, or merely a response to my bearish behaviour, I can’t say.  But it is the reality. Continue reading

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