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Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended

headship

Submissive or slave - What is Biblical Submission?My wife and I talk about sex a fair bit.  Why?  Well, probably a few reasons:

  1. I have a fascination with sexuality, particularly in marriage.  The hormones and neuro-chemicals involved, physiological and psychological responses, how it impacts marriage and the rest of life.  Why we do the things we do, why we don’t do the things we don’t.  Why are there stigmas about certain activities, why aren’t there about others?  So many questions, and only a few places that are open to discussing them.
  2. Sometimes I’m processing something I want to write here, but I need some more thought to flesh it out.  My wife offers many perspectives I cannot: a wife’s perspective, a woman’s perspective, a low-drive perspective, a wise perspective, and so on.
  3. Sex has been an issue in our marriage, and we’re still working on it.  While it’s not perfect, it is pretty good, and we’ve come a long way, but there’s always more improvement to be had.

The other night, we were talking, and this question came up: Where is the line between being submissive and being a doormat?  If the high-drive spouse desires sex, and the low-drive doesn’t, should there be sex?  I’ve answered this question before, indirectly, but I think it needs to be framed a bit.  What about the next night? And the next? And the next? How many days in a row constitutes submission/self-less love, and where is point where it becomes being a sex-slave, a doormat, just an object to have sex with?

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Boy SilhouetteThe Christian marriage blog-o-sphere is buzzing the last few months about submission, household leadership and respect within the family, and it generally revolves around these verses:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:22-24

Particularly, what are the roles of husbands and wives.  Not so much who-does-the-dishes, but more who is in charge, who is helping, who is following and who is leading.  Most of the bloggers on the side of husbands lead and wives submit and before anyone gets upset, the bulk of these bloggers are women, and their biggest concern is that the men are not willing to fill the role of leader.

Now, why would they not want to step up to be a leader with a submissive wife?  I mean, you can get everything you want right? →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

This is the thirteenth and final post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.  I had a bunch of questions left from the A Males Perspective teleconference I spoke at last week.  As such, I used this marathon to answer some of the questions I received and this is the last one.  Please note, these answers are my perspective.  I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women.  Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course.  Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender.  So, on to the question:

What is the #1 thing that turn husbands off?

I think the answer to this is predicted in Genesis 3:16: →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Why your wife cant tell you what she wants

If your wife is like mine in this regard, and from my conversations with other men, many are, your wife does not like to tell you what she wants from you.  Generally she can’t tell you what she wants at all.  Your life is full of questions like

“What do you want for dinner?”

or

“What do you want to do today/tonight/tomorrow?”

or if you’re doing well

“What do you want to do to me?” while you’re in bed.

These sort of questions set an internal conflict off in our bodies.

  1. We know what we want, most of the time.
  2. We don’t what she wants, and we’ve been trained to be submissive to women.  Perhaps not overtly, but we’re taught to be the “Nice Guy” and take her needs into consideration, and above our own.

So, we get stuck and say “I don’t know”.  Because we don’t know if you’re asking what we really want, or if you’re asking what we think you want us to want.

And here’s the really dastardly part about it: →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading