In 2012, I wrote a post called What Is Christian Porn? because it was a phrase I was seeing pop up here and there and I thought it was a ridiculous oxymoron. Since then, people looking for “Christian Porn” accounts for 2% of my total traffic! I was floored when I started seeing just how many people are looking for this. How did this become acceptable? Lately I’ve found out there is a Christian Porn movement! Yep, there is an actual group of Christians trying to reclaim porn (like we ever had it). This is astounding to me. How could this happen?
The only conclusion I’ve could come up with is that we are telling people porn is bad, porn is wrong but failing to discuss it in an intelligent manner. We don’t bother explaining why it’s wrong, why it’s bad for you, how it can harm your marriage (future or present). Because of this, we have a lot of people saying “well, I’m not hurting anyone”, and off they go, looking for porn. So, how can porn be harmful? Continue reading
I was looking at the stats for the blog today, and it reminded me of a question I had last night: I wonder how many people think they are the only ones in marriage having problems with sex, or who think that maybe sex in marriage is supposed to be dull/bad/painful and/or infrequent. It popped into my head because of something I wrote a few days ago. I didn’t post it here, because it was for a project being hosted by My Beloved Is Mine!. But, when I was reading their post (and incidentally, some of my own words back to myself), it sparked the question. Continue reading
- I have a fascination with sexuality, particularly in marriage. The hormones and neuro-chemicals involved, physiological and psychological responses, how it impacts marriage and the rest of life. Why we do the things we do, why we don’t do the things we don’t. Why are there stigmas about certain activities, why aren’t there about others? So many questions, and only a few places that are open to discussing them.
- Sometimes I’m processing something I want to write here, but I need some more thought to flesh it out. My wife offers many perspectives I cannot: a wife’s perspective, a woman’s perspective, a low-drive perspective, a wise perspective, and so on.
- Sex has been an issue in our marriage, and we’re still working on it. While it’s not perfect, it is pretty good, and we’ve come a long way, but there’s always more improvement to be had.
The other night, we were talking, and this question came up: “Where is the line between being submissive and being a doormat?” If the high-drive spouse desires sex, and the low-drive doesn’t, should there be sex? I’ve answered this question before, indirectly, but I think it needs to be framed a bit. What about the next night? And the next? And the next? How many days in a row constitutes submission/self-less love, and where is point where it becomes being a sex-slave, a doormat, just an object to have sex with?
I’ve seen this question in a few places where all of a sudden a wife lets out that she wants her husband to tie her up. Note: I’ve been seeing these WAY before 50 shades of grey was even a concept. I am not writing about that book! There are a billion reasons why you shouldn’t read it. But what about these genuine wives who have a real desire, not brought about by some piece of fiction, to try this? I’ve been that husband who sat there and thought, “Is this OK“, “What do I do?“, “How do I start?”