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Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended


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Porn Use Harms Marriage In 2012, I wrote a post called What Is Christian Porn? because it was a phrase I was seeing pop up here and there and I thought it was a ridiculous oxymoron.  Since then, people looking for “Christian Porn” accounts for 2% of my total traffic!  I was floored when I started seeing just how many people are looking for this.  How did this become acceptable?  Lately I’ve found out there is a Christian Porn movement!  Yep, there is an actual group of Christians trying to reclaim porn (like we ever had it).  This is astounding to me.  How could this happen?

The only conclusion I’ve could come up with is that we are telling people porn is bad, porn is wrong but failing to discuss it in an intelligent manner.  We don’t bother explaining why it’s wrong, why it’s bad for you, how it can harm your marriage (future or present).  Because of this, we have a lot of people saying “well, I’m not hurting anyone”, and off they go, looking for porn.  So, how can porn be harmful? Continue reading


I was looking at the stats for the blog today, and it reminded me of a question I had last night:  I wonder how many people think they are the only ones in marriage having problems with sex, or who think that maybe sex in marriage is supposed to be dull/bad/painful and/or infrequent.  It popped into my head because of something I wrote a few days ago.  I didn’t post it here, because it was for a project being hosted by My Beloved Is Mine!.  But, when I was reading their post (and incidentally, some of my own words back to myself), it sparked the question.   Continue reading

Submissive or slave - What is Biblical Submission? My wife and I talk about sex a fair bit.  Why?  Well, probably a few reasons:

  1. I have a fascination with sexuality, particularly in marriage.  The hormones and neuro-chemicals involved, physiological and psychological responses, how it impacts marriage and the rest of life.  Why we do the things we do, why we don’t do the things we don’t.  Why are there stigmas about certain activities, why aren’t there about others?  So many questions, and only a few places that are open to discussing them.
  2. Sometimes I’m processing something I want to write here, but I need some more thought to flesh it out.  My wife offers many perspectives I cannot: a wife’s perspective, a woman’s perspective, a low-drive perspective, a wise perspective, and so on.
  3. Sex has been an issue in our marriage, and we’re still working on it.  While it’s not perfect, it is pretty good, and we’ve come a long way, but there’s always more improvement to be had.

The other night, we were talking, and this question came up: Where is the line between being submissive and being a doormat?  If the high-drive spouse desires sex, and the low-drive doesn’t, should there be sex?  I’ve answered this question before, indirectly, but I think it needs to be framed a bit.  What about the next night? And the next? And the next? How many days in a row constitutes submission/self-less love, and where is point where it becomes being a sex-slave, a doormat, just an object to have sex with?

Continue reading


I’ve seen this question in a few places where all of a sudden a wife lets out that she wants her husband to tie her up.  Note: I’ve been seeing these WAY before 50 Shades of Grey was even a concept.  I am not writing about that book!  There are a billion reasons why you shouldn’t read it, go read Pulling Back The Shades if you want more info.  But what about these genuine wives who have a real desire, not brought about by some piece of fiction, to try this?  I’ve been that husband who sat there and thought, “Is this OK“, “What do I do?“, “How do I start?
I like to pull Bible passages when I can, but the Bible is pretty silent on most sexual practices.  There are prohibitions against things like bestiality and incest, against adultery, impure thoughts and practices, but what about what happens in a marriage bed between mutually consenting adults? Continue reading

Push_To_Success This must be the most frequent question I get.  Readers always want to know “how do I get my spouse to do …”, whatever.  It’s not always phrased this bluntly, there are a myriad of subtle variations (like this comment on my last post), but at the end of day the spouse A wants spouse B to do (or not do) something they aren’t (or are) doing.  We want an action plan, and people have made millions creating action plans and selling them to the masses, because we all want to believe that if he did A -> B -> C and got to D, we can follow the same steps.

What did you do?

I’ve been pretty clear that my marriage was not always what it is now, that we started off being a “sexless” marriage, but we have, over the years, improved.  I often get asked “what did you do to fix it?” I know what you want.  You want a turnkey solution to fixing your marriage. Continue reading

Boy Silhouette The Christian marriage blog-o-sphere is buzzing the last few months about submission, household leadership and respect within the family, and it generally revolves around these verses:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Ephesians 5:22-24

Particularly, what are the roles of husbands and wives.  Not so much who-does-the-dishes, but more who is in charge, who is helping, who is following and who is leading.  Most of the bloggers on the side of husbands lead and wives submit and before anyone gets upset, the bulk of these bloggers are women, and their biggest concern is that the men are not willing to fill the role of leader.

Now, why would they not want to step up to be a leader with a submissive wife?  I mean, you can get everything you want right? Continue reading

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