Every so often, I get an anonymous question from a reader, and sometimes I write a post (like Should Christians mix alcohol and sex?) in response. Sometimes I conduct a survey, then write a post in response (like Does my husband still find me attractive). Sometimes the question has already been answered, and then I don’t know what to do. I can’t respond directly saying “hey, look here”, so I hope they continued searching and found the post exactly about what they are asking. And sometimes, like today, I get a question that is related to something I’ve written a post on, but perhaps I didn’t answer their specific question.
So, I’m going to start a sort of … series? Feature? I’m not sure what to call it, where I answer these anonymous questions. They probably won’t be as lengthy (or long winded) as my other posts, and I’m going to use the same graphic for all of them to make responding to them easier (because making all those images takes time too), but I’m going to do my best to respond within a week to these anonymous questions (you can submit one on our Have a Question page).
A couple of days ago, I received the following submission from our anonymous question page:
Jay Dee, thanks for continuing to tackle the more challenging/least discussed topics on sex. Our marriage has benefited from simply having a starting point for conversations, so thank you. The question I have is somewhat of an extension to your posts on bondage, which we found very informative. We’ve yet to find anyone in the Christian blogsphere discussing it, so we thought you’d probably be the most open to address it. Anyway, what are your thoughts about the wife wanting to be gagged while tied up? We don’t engage in anything that’s painful or would require a safe word, so there’s not an issue with safety or anything abusive. Her thought is that it’s simply a strong symbol of her submission and trust. For me, I’ve grown to enjoy the look and the sounds, but we’re constantly evaluating if our sexual activities are honoring God. Our current stance is that neither feel it’s out of bounds, but it’s not like it’s something we can gather other perspectives about from friends.
The Passion Principles: Celebrating Sexual Freedom in Marriage by Shannon Ethridge (author of The Fantasy Fallacy: Exposing the Deeper Meaning Behind Sexual Thoughts) is all about sex within marriage (my favorite topic). It is less a book, in the traditional sense, and more a collection of articles, almost a book of blog posts, ordered and sectioned by topic. This format allows you to approach the book as more like a blog reader: you can choose which articles to read, based not on which chapter comes first, but rather on any criteria you wish (interest, need within the marriage, etc.) without worrying that you will be missing some crucial prerequisite data from earlier in the book. Each article is self-contained, and while they all build on the same topic, they can be read in any order. Continue reading
Last week I posted the survey results of our anal sex and anal play survey, and some of the responses and comments indicated that there were moral objections to anal intercourse. As well, some people explicitly asked for a post discussing the biblical stance on anal sex, if there is any. Far be it from me to back down from that invitation, so here we go.
I’ve been getting questions about anal sex and Christian marriage almost since we launched the blog. Every week, we get unfulfilled searches on our blog, emails from readers, and survey respondent comments asking about this topic. I’ll be honest, I’ve shied away from it a bit, because, well, it’s still considered a fairly taboo thing to discuss. I finally decided to build a survey around the question of anal sex and Christianity last week. Note: if you missed it, you can still fill it out here, we’ll continue to use the data when we post on similar topics. Imagine my surprise when we got over 200 respondents in the first 24 hours! A week later, we had 260 respondents on a topic I thought almost no one would touch! I said that if you wanted a post, you’d have to answer the questions, and so you did. Time for me to live up to my end of the bargain. For this post, we’ll just go through the survey results. I have had a few readers ask me to write a post on what the Bible says about anal sex, and I will write that post, but I think it would be too long to handle both in a sitting (both for me to write, and for you to read). Continue reading
My wife (her comments in purple) and I host a small group in our house, and we’re currently studying Intimacy Ignited with 4 other Christian couples. It’s been an interesting experience, talking so openly about sex in person with people who we know. In fact, we know some of these people very well and have for years, but we were still surprised by some of the discussions. One thing in particular: how stuck people are on their own mindset of what they want out of marriage, and that their spouse needs to change in order to suit their needs. In our group (which is not large enough to show a typical division of sex drives), the men all have higher sex drives and the women all have lower sex drives (both relative to their spouse). And what do you think comes out in the discussions?
A common question among Christians is “What is allowed in the bedroom?” or “Are there any activities we’re not allowed to do during sex?” This is a confusing topic, mostly, because we (the church) have made it confusing. I think the Bible is pretty clear on it if you read it as a whole and see God’s attitude towards marriage, and I’m going to attempt to show bits and pieces of what I mean. Unfortunately, I can’t do a full job of showing the entire picture, because that would be an entire book. But, we can take a quick jump through the Bible to see what it says.