I received this question last night from our Have A Question page:
My wife is curious about “edging”, what is it? Is there a benefit for this?
Edging is the practice of getting your spouse right up to the “edge” of having an orgasm, without letting them “fall into it” as it were. Typically it’s used with the hope of building up a larger orgasm later in the session (or if you’re really a tease, later in the day).
But, there are a couple reasons why you might want to do edging, so let’s go through them.
Edging to tease
Some spouses like to edge their husband or wife, simply because they like to tease. Constantly bringing them to the edge of orgasm just to pull them back again is a little bit of pleasurable torture, as it were. They’re constantly getting pleasure, getting closer and closer, just to stop, or slow down, or switch tactics, enough that they’ll calm down so you can start again.
Now, if you’re doing this, you better be sure to give them an orgasm by the end of the session (unless you’re both okay with delaying until a later time). To do this to someone and then not let them have an orgasm when they’re so pent up is just plain torture. It’s not pleasurable anymore. In fact, for many it will cause them physical pain for some time later after their arousal wears off, but that pent up sexual energy is still there. I’m not sure of physiological cause of that pain, but I know it can happen in both women and men.
But, it can be a fun game to have spouses sort of compete, with one trying to get the other as close to the edge as possible without letting them go over, and the other trying to fall over that edge before their spouse can pull them back. Eventually everyone wins.
Edging to give your spouse a larger orgasm
Another reason to edge is that a longer sexual session tends to yield a larger, stronger, more powerful orgasm. It’s not always the case, but generally it’s true. So, one reason you might want to use edging on your spouse (or do it yourself) is to get a bigger orgasm out of the sexual session.
So, in short, you let it build until just before they orgasm, then you pull back a bit, let it build again, and pull back, repeating as often as you think you can get away with. If you can keep it up, by the end they’ll (hopefully) have a huge orgasm.
Edging to learn more about your spouse
When edging, you need to really study your spouse. You need to watch their face, read their body language, you need to be able to see what they’re feeling and judge how close they are. And learning to read your spouse in this manner will help any time you have sex, to instantly recognize what feels better or worse for them.
Edging to prolong sex
Many use edging, specifically on husbands, if the husband suffers from premature ejaculation. Edging is a way to prolong sex two ways:
Firstly, simply edging extends sex. It can be a little irritating, because you’re having sex, and it feels good, and then you have to stop so the husband can calm down a bit. For the wife this can be frustrating. But, it means sex will last longer, even if it’s a little start-and-stop.
Secondly, using edging, a man can learn when he’s close and learn what that feels and, with practice, learn to control his orgasm better. Which means, if you suffer from premature ejaculation, then you could potentially learn your way out of it. Orgasm is partially controlled by PC muscles, and by edging, you can learn to gain better control over those muscles, and thus prevent orgasm for longer. Again, it may mean some frustrating sexual encounters where you have to stop every minute, or more frequently even, but ultimately you will see the benefits.
Make sure your spouse will have an orgasm
Lastly, I just want to re-iterate: make sure your spouse will have an orgasm before they get too frustrated. Eventually it stops being fun and just starts being mean. And it’s an awful feeling when you’re edging your spouse, and then you both realized you missed the orgasm…for the night. For some, especially women, there is a point where it just has gone on too long, and they don’t have the energy, or they’re too desensitized, to actually achieve an orgasm any more. And that no fun for either of you. The wife, in this example, feels sexually pent up and frustrated, and the husband feels like a jerk and an idiot.
So, you have to know your spouse. We used to have fun edging my wife, when she was more orgasmic. These days (after 5 kids), orgasms are harder to come by. I wouldn’t dream of trying to edge her now. They’re hard enough for her to achieve on, to make it harder would just be cruel.
Same goes for wives who have husbands who suffer from delayed ejaculation. Edging would be torture, not teasing.
So, edging can be a lot of fun, and even a good training tool, provided it’s appropriate for your marriage.Have a Question? Ask it here!