Comments for Sex Within Marriage http://sexwithinmarriage.com Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended Tue, 04 Aug 2015 01:38:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.3 Comment on Book Review: The Fantasy Fallacy by Kayhttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/book-review-fantasy-fallacy/#comment-488565 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 01:38:51 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=1403#comment-488565 I read both this book and Pulling Back the Shades recently because the 50 Shades movie came out this year. Pulling Back the Shades focuses primarily on that series, but Shannon’s The Fantasy Fallacy covers so much more and has truly changed my life (and sex life). I was convicted when reading Sheila’s Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex that I was dissociating during sex but was appalled when I admitted to myself that I was basically entertaining rape fantasies during sex with my husband. I was terribly confused and didn’t dare admit this to anyone because in the fantasy, I usually was the male aggressor even though I am female. Why would I fantasize about being a guy?? A guy forcing sex on someone?!

I am SO thankful for Shannon’s book, which helped me to understand that this was my brain’s way to try and heal from sexual things that I was coerced into during high school. I was trying to gain back that control I lost when I was forced to do things I didn’t want to do. Knowing this, I was able to spend time actively forgiving these boys from my past and letting go of the hold they unknowingly had in my marriage. I have healed and grown so much as a result of reading this book and digging deeper into my own psyche. I highly recommend this book if you have ever had any kind of fantasy that makes you uneasy.

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Comment on Adult Nursing Relationships by Clairehttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/adult-nursing-relationships/#comment-488564 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 00:41:00 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=3756#comment-488564 I too am neither for nor against, and only fairly recently came across this practice. When I first heard I was like… ‘Ya sayin’ whaaaat?’ – but I could immediately appreciate how it would be a very bonding experience, between a married couple – celebrate whatever the Lord brings to you.

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Comment on What I Hate About Breastfeeding by Jay Deehttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/what-i-hate-about-breastfeeding/#comment-488563 Tue, 04 Aug 2015 00:02:48 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=195#comment-488563 It might be an older post, but people still read it, and the comments. And I myself am going through this again with our new 5 month old.

Good reminders Kay.

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Comment on What I Hate About Breastfeeding by Kayhttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/what-i-hate-about-breastfeeding/#comment-488557 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 20:55:00 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=195#comment-488557 I know this is old now, but I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for six out of our 8.5 year marriage and my hubby and I had to work thru this. After kid number 3, we were both finally more open and honest about our needs. I get touched out very easily and am one of those wives that had to try very, very hard not to wince when my husband tried to touch me after a long day. If my hubby could wait, we would have a morning date in the shower, where the milky mess didn’t matter and I wasn’t touched out for the day yet. This actually became a very special time for both of us even though there was no sexual pleasure for me. I was able to give him a helping hand and then we would just talk and laugh for the remainder of the shower together and it met both of our emotional needs. Other times, when I was finally well enough for sex, I had my husband put the big girls to bed while I took a bath and no one was allowed to interrupt. That allowed me to reset my “touch-o-meter” and refocus on being a wife. The bra still had to stay on because of my extremely strong let down and orgasm wasn’t possible for me for a while because of breastfeeding hormones, but we still learned to enjoy one another in new ways.

For the women reading this, please make this time with your husband a priority. You won’t believe how special it can be if you let it.

For the husbands, please understand your wife’s very real need for personal space and do not take it personally if she is touched out. Ask her what she needs so that you can spend some time together and then MAKE IT HAPPEN. And don’t pressure her to orgasm if she doesn’t want to. Breastfeeding hormones (and/or exhaustion) may make orgasm difficult or impossible. Unlike men, most women do not need an orgasm every time to feel satisfied. The pressure to orgasm can actually ruin that time together if breastfeeding makes it difficult for her to finish. It will get easier when her hormones regulate. I promise!

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Comment on 46 Facts about orgasms for National Orgasm Day by Anonymoushttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/46-facts-about-orgasms-for-national-orgasm-day/#comment-488554 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 15:54:13 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=3840#comment-488554 For me, the statistic 15-20% of women never experience orgasm is comforting. My wife of 35 years has never experience a true orgasm and it is nice to know that she is not alone. Apparently there a lot of women who do not experience orgasms.

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Comment on An update on what’s going on at SWM by Jay Deehttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/an-update-on-whats-going-on-at-swm/#comment-488553 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 13:05:51 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=3891#comment-488553 Go for it. Let me know if you need help getting it off the ground. I have a bit of experience with WordPress (blogger + software engineer) :)

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Comment on 46 Facts about orgasms for National Orgasm Day by Jay Deehttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/46-facts-about-orgasms-for-national-orgasm-day/#comment-488552 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 13:03:36 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=3840#comment-488552 No need to apologize, I was just poking back.

I agree, no number is prescribed. However, 1 Corinthians 7:5 says “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent”. Meaning, both have to agree NOT to have sex. Therefore if one doesn’t agree, then the couple should have sex. This, practically, tends to make the frequency more governed by the higher-drive spouse. Now, ideally that same spouse should be cognizant of the lower drive spouse’s energy levels, mood, etc. For example, I’m the higher-drive spouse in my marriage. My wife has committed to never saying “no”, so I could, if I so desired, by properties of the verse above, successfully initiate sex every night. However, I do not. Because I realize that my wife is very tired lately, particularly since we have a 5 month old that doesn’t sleep through the night yet, and 4 other kids who wake up early every morning. And so, during this season of our marriage, our frequency is much lower, in the once, perhaps twice a week range.

As for that ultimate equalizer, my wife hasn’t had many periods in the last 10 years because she’s been either pregnant or breastfeeding. So, that doesn’t quite keep true if you’re having a lot of kids. :)

But yes, sex was considered a responsibility of the husband towards the wife. However, she was equally responsible for providing children (which involves sex) and could not deny him that, so that sort of equals out.

Good discussion.

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Comment on 46 Facts about orgasms for National Orgasm Day by Danhttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/46-facts-about-orgasms-for-national-orgasm-day/#comment-488551 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 12:50:46 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=3840#comment-488551 Jay,
I wasn’t trying to ‘pick a fight’. I apologize if I came off that way.
1Cor7:1-6 is about sexual relationships in marriage. But again, no number is prescribed. And it does not elude to the higher drive having any more authority than the lower drive. It is believed that Paul was a educated Jewish Pharisee, so he would have known what the Jews taught about marriage. The Jews taught that sex was for the WIFE and not the husband. So if anything, the wife’s wishes regarding frequency would have more weight. That’s why there was also a contract.
As for the ‘leisure’ – that is what independently wealthy is. They have the all the ‘leisure’ time to stay at home. As for the common laborer – I stand corrected. Also remember that in ancient Jewish law, there was absolutely no sex for two weeks during the wife’s menses. I have read that this has been explained as the ultimate equalizer. Two weeks on, two weeks off. Half spent in physical bonding, half spent in emotional bonding.

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Comment on An update on what’s going on at SWM by Tharthttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/an-update-on-whats-going-on-at-swm/#comment-488550 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 11:58:34 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=3891#comment-488550 I kinda wanna start a blog on being a wife who homeschools, works at home, goes to college, works in thd kingdom, all while being sexual engaged with the hubby. But I think I’m too chicken. :( but we will see. You do inspire me.

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Comment on An update on what’s going on at SWM by Jay Deehttp://sexwithinmarriage.com/an-update-on-whats-going-on-at-swm/#comment-488549 Mon, 03 Aug 2015 11:57:07 +0000 http://sexwithinmarriage.com/?p=3891#comment-488549 Ha, super famous. I’m still not even on the map in terms of marriage bloggers. But, I will keep up the work, because I feel called to it. Plus, I love it. I’m happy to have served in your marriage. Thank you for the encouragement.

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