Monthly Archives: November 2012
This Christian family has a tradition, for 8 generations (at least, might be more), the grandmothers have sat their granddaughters down during their engagements and unloaded everything they know about sex to them over a week or two visit. Completely in private, no one around, giving time for questions, repetition, and time to let all the information sink in.
I love this concept. I hope I can remember to do with this my grand children.
The book came about because one of the daughters became terminally ill and couldn’t bear the thought of breaking the tradition. So, she started typing out everything we wanted her granddaughters to know. Eventually word got out (discretely among the other wives) and they started adding what they knew and were taught, and learned on their own to the body of knowledge.
Now, I thought this was the holy grail of sex knowledge. 8 generations of a large Christian families sex tips and tricks including a former lesbian and a former high-end call girl.
Now, here’s the catch, there are two problems: Continue reading
Rena over at InsertGraceHere.com gave me this book suggestion quite a while ago (at least 6 months) and I finally got around to reading it at the end of the summer, and just now am getting around to writing about it.
This book is about the theology of sex. This is not a book about practical advice, though there is some sprinkled throughout. This is a discussion of how the fall changed sex, and our struggle with it in this life. That said, it’s incredibly impacting. Continue reading
I do a lot of research about sexuality and theology, those are the two biggest areas of research in my life. It’s no surprise, then, that I eventually started a blog exploring the intersection of these two interests. But my research is not limited to the Bible and personal experience. Before you get scared, let me explain:
I read a lot of books about theology, I also read blogs, and talk to many differing people. I talk to Atheists, Muslims, Buddhists, Agnostics, and people of many other faiths. I also discuss what I believe with as many people from other denominations as I can find, because I’m not arrogant enough to think that my denomination, or even Christianity, has it 100% figured out. Don’t get me wrong, I believe Christ is the Way the Truth and the Life, but I respect the Islamic focus on prayer and fasting, the Buddhist focus on peace, Mormon’s devotion to the family and the priesthood, the United church’s focus on accepting everyone, and many many others.
So, what does this have to do with sex within marriage? I also do a lot of research outside of the Christian sphere in regards to sexuality. I read books from humanist authors who push evolution when discussing sex. I listen to Podcasts from non-christian speakers who make fun of Christian family ideals. I read blogs from ex-Christians who think we’re all nuts for thinking there is a God. Why? Because the fact is, there are not many Christians doing ground-breaking work in the sphere of sexuality. So, I listen, I read, I discuss and argue, and I distill it all down, cross reference with the Bible and what I believe and then, if there is something to be gained from it and it doesn’t contradict the Bible, I share it. This is not the impetus of many of my posts, or even the bulk of my content in a single post, but I learn here and there, little tips, little bits of information, research that is being done and such that help to strengthen the Christian ideal of marriage as God intended. A prime example of information I’ve shared is the post Is Sex A Need Or A Want?
So, lately I’ve been hearing the strangest phrase pop up all over the place: “Christian Porn”. Continue reading
Short answer: No. I don’t mean “tell him “NO”". I mean, there is no good way. Here’s why:
No matter what you say, how you phrase it, he’s still going to hear that you have unilaterally decided that this component of your marriage is not happening tonight.
Now, what would happen if you tried to start a conversation with your husband and he, instead of responding verbally, handed you a card that said “No talking tonight”, and then went back to watching TV. Chances are, you’d be fairly upset. Why? Because one person decided on their own what was happening in the marriage.
Some of you know how it feels to have your spouse decide their not coming to church today, not interested in praying today, don’t want to do devotions together today. It hurts to have a component (spiritual in this case) taken away from your marriage without consent.
Now (speaking in the context of marriage), sex without consent is marital rape. No sex without consent is what many of in the marriage blog-o-sphere would term “refusal”. Both are a breaking of the marriage vows, and I’d argue both are sinful.
So, how do you tell him it’s not happening tonight? You don’t. You shouldn’t, and, you shouldn’t have to. Here’s why: Continue reading