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Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended

Monthly Archives: October 2012

I received this question in the comments on the post What Do I Do If I Get Turned On By Someone/Something Other Than My Spouse?

If you knew your spouse was deliberately looking at stuff to get aroused, but goes to you for sex, would you refuse them?  Would you also refuse sex with your spouse if they accidentally see something arousing in a movie, but watch it anyway with no repentance or attempt to look away and then they come to you for sex?

It is one of my fears that I’m having sex with my husband, but he is having sex with someone else (in his mind.)

Now, this presents a problem, we have two concepts in direct opposition to each other:

  1. Sex is a marriage right.  One spouse does not have the right to deny the other.
  2. Sex is viewed by many men as a “reward” or an indication that everything is alright in the relationship.  So, having sex may be telling him that you are OK with his behavior.

So, how do we reconcile these two opposing choices?

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I’ve seen this question floating around.  Why is it that men like sex in the morning?  It drives a lot of women absolutely crazy, because they wake up in the morning feeling groggy, haven’t done their makeup, they have bed-head, etc., etc.,  basically, not feeling fully confident in themselves as a sexual being.

So, why is it that men are ready to go first thing in the morning.

I think there are two reasons. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

I received a comment today on the Why Do Married Men Masturbate post, and after writing two responses (a computer crash and a browser crash), the third one finally finished up way to long for a comment, so I thought I’d just turn it into a post because others might be in the same situation.  The comment is below and my response further down.  Please keep in mind, I’m just a lay-person who has been the male in a similar situation, that is the only expertise I can claim.  You know your situation better than I, I just hope I can lend some perspective to it. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

This is the thirteenth and final post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.  I had a bunch of questions left from the A Males Perspective teleconference I spoke at last week.  As such, I used this marathon to answer some of the questions I received and this is the last one.  Please note, these answers are my perspective.  I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women.  Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course.  Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender.  So, on to the question:

What is the #1 thing that turn husbands off?

I think the answer to this is predicted in Genesis 3:16: →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

This is the twelfth post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.  There has been a lot of discussion on some of my posts this week (especially Why Do Married Men Masturbate).  I’m going to answer one of the questions I received on that post.  Please note, these are my perspective.  I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women.  Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course.  Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender.  So, on to the question:

If a spouse, I’ll say husband but it can be wife, too gets aroused by someone or something, say an unexpected sex scene or flash of nudity in a movie, is it OK to turn that arousal towards their spouse, or should they turn off (for lack of a better description) that arousal instead through prayer, cold shower, accounting, etc?

I think first it’s important to make a distinction between temptation and harbored thoughts. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Sex is a reward for men.  Rewarded with sex.  Paid with sex.  Rewarded with sex. This is the eleventh post in the 1/2 Marathon being orchestrated by the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.  I have a bunch of questions left from the A Males Perspective teleconference I spoke at last week.  As such, I’ll be using this marathon to answer some of the questions I received.  Please note, these are my perspective.  I cannot vouch for all males and when I’m giving my perspective on women, I certainly cannot vouch for all women.  Also, all references to gender traits are based on the average population, there are exceptions of course.  Please do not be offended by these if you are not “neuro-typical” for your gender.  So, on to the question:

In one of your blog you said that men like to be rewarded for being a good provider, father, and just a man in general. And to most men If they have done something good it should = Sex, Something bad = No sex! Can you tell me why men tend to think this way?

There are 3 reasons I can think of (there may be more) for men thinking sex is a reward:

  • Hormones
  • Society’s teachings
  • How close sexuality is to our core self

So, let’s explore them. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading