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Hot and Monogamous, just as God intended

Last week, my wife and I were chatting over Facebook (I was at work, she was on her phone).  We were discussing the plans for the evening, were there any meetings, clubs, activities, etc that we are required to go to.  Then she sent me a message that nearly knocked me off my chair:

Maybe we could play cards and whoever wins can have almost anything they want later…..

Now, the “almost” is entirely understandable as we’ve only had sex once since our last child was born, her on top, not too rough.  Certain limitations were 100% understood and acceptable.  Of course I liked the plan.  We were playing Dominion, a strategy game involving cards.  It’s a pretty fast paced game with a turn lasting typically 10 seconds or less and a game lasting a half an hour or more, and you’re never quite sure who is winning until you finish and count up the points.

Now, we love this game, but that night there was something else.  We were both a little nervous I think.  When’s the last time you were nervous about sex?  And I don’t mean being nervous about your spouse saying “no”.  But just nervous because you in new territory.  I was being a lot more daring in my strategies, trying new things, anything to win, and by the end of the first round, I had no idea who was going to win.

We counted up the cards, and I came out on top, 76 to 74.  2 points!  But we were playing best two out of three.  After a short break, we started the second game.  Now I was really nervous.  If I won, we were finished and I got “almost anything” I wanted.  If not, we’d have to play again, and lose a half an hour of potential in bed time, and I might lose.  After a grueling game, we counted up the cards, and again, I was on top.  105 vs 103.  I had won by only 2 points each game, and consequently had won the bet!

A  card game had completely changed our outlook on upcoming sex.  Just to be clear.  We were going to have sex anyways, I don’t think your sex life should ever depend on any outside influence like the outcome of a game, or chores completed.  I don’t see anything wrong with those things being extra, but not the basis for your intimacy.

So, what about you, have you ever spiced up your sex life with a sexual bet?  How did it turn out? Let us know in the comments below (you can be anonymous if you like).

6 Responses to New Twist on an old Game: Sexual Bets

  • Nobody commented? Really? Ok, I’m game….

    I’ve got nothing. We’ve never done this, but it is something I’d like to do. I always thought those fuzzy dice would be fun…you know, the ones that say lick, kiss, suck, whatever on one die and a body part on another. Hubby’s not too adventurous, though.

    Otherwise, I thought about buying him a deck of cards and on each card writing something I love about him. I was either going to give them to him to use when he’s away from home to pass the time, or use them for a bedtime card game.

  • I was just cruising around to get familiar with you site and stopped here for a moment. I wanted to say something about sexual bets that may lead to a post of you in the future. Having read the posts on bondage, among others, I feel you will understand my point.

    I am sure at some point you and your wife have asked one another “What would you like, anything special? I also suspect at this more advanced point in your sex life you both respond with a suggestion/request/”demand”/whatever.

    I am sure though that a lot of couples respond with “what ever you want” or “oh, anything” or “I like everything you do,” or “I don’t know. Surprise me.”
    It understandable that this happens with couples that aren’t comfortable with their sexuality or comfortable and secure with sharing it so openly, even though married. I won’t get into how they need to get past that, that’s a whole other issue.

    My point here is that the misunderstood or overlooked dynamic here is that your spouse wants very much to please you. They want to give you the gift of a fulfilled sexual experience and in so doing, receive a feeling of emotional attunement with you. In short pleasuring you will please and pleasure them also. But in order for them to give to you, you have to request. Remember when you were a child and you parents asked what did you want for Christmas or your birthday? If they could afford it, find it and thought it was beneficial, they bought it for you. They received joy seeing you receive that gift. Your spouses desire to give you a sexual or intimate gift for your pleasure will give them joy and pleasure in return. Don’t be guilty of denying them that opportunity because you are too shy, inhibited or feel unworthy of a love that deep. How disappointed have you felt when you asked our spouse what they wanted as a gift for a special occasion and they replied, “Oh nothing. Don’t worry about it. We really can’t afford anything anyway?” In reality you understood their reply, but felt denied a chance to express your love. It’s really a form of refusal although we don’t look at it that way. There is always an option to suggest the “cheaper” gift that can be “afforded” if you will as opposed to outright denial toward your spouse. Tell them you’d love to go to that ice cream place from your dating days. You can find a gift you are comfortable asking for and allow your spouse to have that joy of pleasing you.

    Also, in asking for something, you are saying there are things you do for me that we share that I dearly love and cherish. Will you please do that for me now? How do you think that makes them feel about your relationship? They feel wanted, needed, appreciated and desired. You have just given them a gift too. Be thinking about how you will answer that question the next time it is asked, or better still, don’t wait for them to ask. You be brave and go first. Tell them what you like and want. Believe it of not, that is more fulfilling to your mate than them having to ask. It tells them that they are on you mind even in your absence.

    AS to the game post that got me started on this. I feel if you have “WON” a right of request, you are particularly obliged to come up with some “demand” and the more unique or special, the better. The important dynamic here is both parties entered into a contract of winner takes all. The apparent thing is we are playing to win. Below the surface though, one or both may be playing to lose. The loser gets the opportunity to give and that may be more satisfying than “winning.” That may be the real win of the game.

    • Yes, I agree, for this to work, there has to be two things:
      1) Spouses have to be free to talk about sex together.
      2) Spouses have to have an attitude that sex is good and like to serve each other in this capacity.

      If #1 is missing, winning will feel like losing because of the uncomfortable position it puts you in. If #2 is missing, winning will feel like losing, because you will be forcing your partner, against their will, to perform sexually.

      Thanks for commenting, welcome to the site.

  • “My point here is that the misunderstood or overlooked dynamic here is that your spouse wants very much to please you.” I think this is a very powerful dynamic for men – much more than women. I say that because sexually speaking, men are less complex than women. Men derive a great deal of satisfaction from pleasing their wives. And to not let them know how to do that relationally and sexually, is as Userdand says, “a form of refusal”. In our marriage we’ve both been guilty of it, and then blaming the other person, however subtly, for not being able to read the cues or figure it out.

    But like JD says, in order for this kind of intimacy to happen, there has to be freedom. In my opinion, you don’t get this kind of freedom without some serious maturity and trust. With maturity and trust leading to deeper freedom, the gates of inhibition are blown out of the water.
    Robyn Gibson recently posted..Guys and DollsMy Profile

    • “My point here is that the misunderstood or overlooked dynamic here is that your spouse wants very much to please you.”

      I just wanted to clarify something about that quote. I was poorly written on my part. It reads like I am saying Jay Dee may not understand that dynamic. I was meaning to imply that any married couple may over look that aspect of responding to being asked, “What can I do for you?” The person responding and voicing a request may feel they are somehow being selfish and not understand that they are in effect actually enhancing the shared intimacy between them and they both then can share in the blessing of giving to one another in a way that only they can do for one another under the marriage covenant. I hope that didn’t confuse things.

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